BRAKE FLUID

2011-06-24T22:39:00.000-07:00

When The Going Gets Tough

Okay, I haven't been here for 2 weeks! D: I realise I'm usually only here to update on Friday nights because Fridays make me feel like the most accomplished and happiest girl in the universe. Didn't do very much today, but I still feel happy TEEHEE :D

On a side note, I'm pretty upset though, that the younger twin misfired a few days ago in OCS and is now duly punished with a 14-day RCP. Bottomline: I won't get to see him till 2 weekends later. You know how that sucks? And it's not helping that I'm leaving for Redang next week which makes me feel all the more distant from him. Two weeks ago the older twin received a 7-day RCP as a rifle stun punishment, where he wasn't allowed to come home for the weekend. My mother's been really upset 'cause it seems as though my brothers are taking turns to commit rifle offences (undeliberately, of course) where they end up serving pretty harsh punishments. I'm not defending them and saying that they don't deserve it, but I just wished they weren't so unlucky. Of course, we should already count our blessings that the punishment isn't a 1-month long charge or I'll be really devastated and torn to bits and pieces. Army so isn't easy, what was I thinking when I thought of signing on after A'levels? Fortunately I scraped that option and am now pursuing my undergrad studies instead.

This week's been more or less relaxing; Wednesday's a worthy mention 'cause it was a day out at ECP with The Fun Clique (basically my boyf & his friends) and WT brought his new girlfriend which we were all super interested to learn more about haha! Had steamboat dinner w the guys & it was absolutely daebak 'cause I haven't had bbq steamboat in so long PLUS the soup was absolutely palatable. We soaked the clams in it for nearly an hour and by the time we savoured it our tastebuds were in for a real solid treat yo!

Tuition tomorrow. 4 hours. Better turn in early for the night.

2011-06-10T00:49:00.000-07:00

Regret

I miss my brothers very much. I wish they didn't have to book out on Saturday mornings and book in on Sunday evenings. I wish their trainings didn't have to be so tough. A month ago, I visited them with my parents at Safti Military Institute and together with families of other officer cadets, we were enlightened on what our boys/brothers do in OCS. I think it's really really tough and they've assiduously gone through so much. BMT is probably peanuts compared to the hardship they're going through now and it really pained me when one of the twins told me he usually likes to volunteer for stuff out of goodwill. Like stuff that is considered sai gang that nobody in the right mind would opt to do of their own volition.

Sigh. We're all grown up now; I'm 20, they're 19. We're one year apart but I feel like in terms of maturity and ability to withstand hardship and overcome obstacles, I'm 5 years behind them. Army has amazingly made them grow and develop in the right track and while I always pray and hope that the going doesn't get too tough for them, I know it's such training and discipline that has gotten them to where they are now. I'm extremely, extremely proud of them and I wish I treasured the times we used to have together in the past more. I used to be such a horrid and spiteful sister, only capable of mocking them and making them feel incredibly small. ): But I guess they've always been so kind and good-hearted that not once have they held it against me. I'm just so freaking substandard I hate myself. I hate my old self. Why couldn't I have been a good sister right from the start.. This is going to be one of the greatest regrets my whole life. 5 years down the road we'll all have our own families and the story of the 3 of us will kinda end, with new chapters inserted into the pages of our lives...

{PS. I know this entry is poorly written but it's just what I feel deep within me, from the very bottom of my heart.}

2011-06-03T23:44:00.000-07:00

TGIF

Today was a truly exciting and happy day. Every Friday night I come home only to feel that time has slipped by too quickly and that the gift of another amazing Friday has been entirely unwrapped and savoured by yours truly. Of course, Fridays are only TGIFs because I have a fantastic boyfriend who pumps in effort and time to make everything work. And even if I find myself potentially upset due to time-of-the-month pms-y mood swings, he'll always do something; anything, to replenish the smile on my face that might have slyly sneaked away. And two weeks ago my legs felt like they were on the verge of crashing and burning {serves me right for walking for 5 hours on heeled boots} and he piggy-backed me across the overhead bridge c: What to do, magic simply comes alive when he's around.

Okay so today started with us making our final payment for the Redang Island trip at Beach Rd, before we made our way to cityhall to shop, eat, arcade, walk around and talk crap. C: AND YES I WON HIM AT DAYTONA FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE. You should have seen the smirk on my face when I came in 1st; like finally? It's pretty unfortunate that I've never won him before today and I guess that's because I'm very much still a amateur beginner operating on auto mode while he is a manual-mode expert who seems to have played full-time since secondary school. YESS ALL MY TRAINING PAID OFF :D I actually feel thoroughly ashamed having to admit that I actually TRAINED in my spare time either alone or with my brothers in hope of beating him one day but now that I've done it once I WILL MAKE SURE I DO IT AGAIN :D Omg cheap thrill here I come.

I'll never ever win him at pool/billiards though; not even going to try. It's just too horrendously difficult. Not worth slogging my guts out learning the basics from scratch and never making it eventually still. I think my boyfriend was secretly born and brought up in the arcade. :P Anyway, had Sakae & Starbucks today, yumyum! Haven't had sushi in awhile already. I'm not an avid fan of Japanese food but once in awhile these small delights do tempt me. I hate sashimi though. Can never learn how to appreciate it the right way. Not my cup of tea, sadly.

Am now in the comfort of my cosy pink room at home furiously tapping away on my pink laptop and occasionally replying messages on my pink-cased iphone (: PINK ISHHHH MAIII LIFE WORSZXSX :D Gotta hull myself under the covers soon, though. An 11am-1pm tuition assignment awaits me tomorrow. This tuition centre job has definitely got to be the best job I've secured so far! Few hours, flexible time-table, yet a really solid payslip. Plus, I'm doing something that I like very much and something that will be useful to my career a few years from now. What's not to love?

2011-05-31T15:55:00.000-07:00

Life Long Learning

It's not that easy to be self-sufficient. But I'm going to learn to be. Learning to spend within my means and tactfully break multiple dilemmas regarding purchasing decisions is going to be far from a piece of cake, but I'm going to be more than ready to anticipate such potential fixes. Hall fees, phone bills, etc. I will learn, bit by bit, step by step. I cannot rely on and parasitically expect my parents to be there for me always or to always clear my shit and foot all my monthly bills, so I'll have to slowly relinquish myself from such over-dependence and grow up, for once.

On a side note, awwwwww isn't it just sweet to receive such messages from your student (:

Hoping to take up more tuition assignments at the tuition cente (: ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE KIDS, and after each and every lesson I go away learning something new, on top of disseminating knowledge and inspiring young minds. And when I say "new", it doesn't even have to be necessarily academic-related. Developing IQ is one thing, but EQ is equally, if not more, crucial to a child's personal development and character-moulding. Ohmygosh, the very idea of me sounding more and more like a righteous teacher actually scares me.

2011-05-30T23:56:00.000-07:00

The Resolve to Do Something

Okay, so I've made a resolution once and for all that I NEED TO UPDATE. I know I've proclaimed this at least a million times since the start of the prehistoric ages and it's growing dry and nobody is going to believe that I'll be capable of sustaining this massive project (I say "MASSIVE" because it does sound like a goliath task to me) of posting more regularly anymore BUT KEEP THE FAITH, guys. I remember Mrs Loke, my TJC principal, encouraging me with those 3 words when she learnt of my prelim results in September 2009 and felt that I was really underperforming. So yes, keep the faith. I know how horrid and distasteful it must sound - that I am going to have to literally force myself to write something here, but I just fed my eyes on a couple of my previous rants and thought to myself: 'hey why did I ever stop writing?!'

SO, HERE I AM. Today, I got my results for Semester 2 after reading a year at NUS FASS, and am pretty relieved that I made it to the 2nd Lower Honour's range after all. And yes I'm going to shamelessly admit that I thought I would hit at least a 4.0 CAP this sem but fell short of it eventually by a little. But that itself is one step up from Semester 1 and my parents are going to reward me handsomely so what's not to like? IKR, this sounds especially juvenile and stupid. Reminds me of the good old times when my mom would actually reward my brothers and me with 20 dollars for every subject that we scored 90 marks and over in Primary School. :D

I think my standard of writing has deteriorated and disintegrated and is now festering like a neglected decaying plant that has neither been watered nor showered with sunlight for a year. Even I feel slightly turned off by it. But pardon me for awhile because I really haven't written in a long time. Writing academic papers is not in my dictionary of "a long time" because to be honest I like to be blatantly truthful and free-styled in the way I write, so journal-writing fits my bill x 1000000.

The rest of today was spent going to Lavender Beach Road to book my holiday with the boyfriend. (: Come early July we're going to Redang Island with the bestie and her boyfriend! So it's kinda like a double-date getaway. Can't wait! Am thoroughly excited right now even as I type. After booking the trip, we went back to TWW's place and watched some TV. T'was really awesome to just hang out and chill at his place, doing nothing and feeling lazy dazy. Had dinner with his family and his parents gave me a lift home after that. His family's really really nice and fun to interact with; I'm thankful for that! By the way, did I tell you I love my boyfriend? Because I do, and I do so very very very much. He's such a sweetie qtpi all the time and he never fails to listen to my grouses and solve my problems (: Such a doting boyfriend; MUST TREASURE HIM ALL THE MORE.

Alright, it's time to hit youtube and dig BEAST's new release "Fiction" again. Have yourselves all a good night.

2011-01-02T08:45:00.000-08:00

Heaven On Earth

Okay, so after months of neglecting this space and leaving it to melt and wilt away, I've decided to go public and open my private space to the world again. The whole of 2010, brake-fluid remained locked, thrust into secret depths only because I wanted to protect myself from people. From the outside world. Afraid of allowing other beings to see myself and my past more lucidly. Afraid of negativity and harsh judgments that may circulate stemming from the latter. And So, I had absolutely no intention of allowing trespassers to tread on my personal past and history. Dislike button for the both items in the cart.

After considerable contemplation, however, perhaps brake-fluid is the only platform where I can freely air my thoughts and make space for my virtual vomit, the only avenue for me to be who I am, to stay true to my feelings and takes on various issues in life. Also, writing makes me feel serene. Not having to deal with multitudes of complications that plague reality, not having to fence up intrinsic thoughts by faking a positive countenance in real life. I hate reality. Writing makes me feel like I'm in another world. Maybe this is what they call heaven on earth.

Writing makes me get to know myself deeper, better, see myself clearer. Akin to an oxygen tank that vehemently reminds me of my mortality. Allows me to appreciate people better too. Yes, I did say I abhor reality. I almost want to stab reality in its face so that it vanishes from my life forever. But, it's the people around me who make my reality somewhat better. My family, friends, my boyfriend. I haven't been writing much about my boyfriend since I moved into hall. And I think I owe him countless of 'thank you's which will never ever be enough for all that he has done and sacrificed for me. I'm a difficult girl to manage. I have my tempers, my highs and lows, yes I know, who doesn't? But for those who have forsaken me and given up on me because of my angst and inherent anger, I don't blame. But TWW hasn't, and I hope he will never. Actually, I know he will never. And that's the thing that makes me sad. Because if I continue with my childish and wayward ways, it will only make life more difficult for him.

I just want to tell him: "I love you so much, I never thought I'd say this publicly but I don't ever want to leave you, Tan Wei Wen. (:"

2010-10-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

Once In a Purple Moon

YES MY BLOG IS ROTTING AND DISINTEGRATING INTO A MILLION MISERABLE PIECES AND I AM UTTERLY ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR USING THE EXCUSE OF INADEQUATE TIME TO FAILINGLY JUSTIFY MY INABILITY TO SUBMIT A DECENT POST.

FOR ALL WHO HAVE BEEN VISITING (although I'm pretty sure no one does anymore; this blog is freaking stagnant and dead and left to wilt in the fugly dumps fullstop end of story) THANK YOU, I AM EXTREMELY HONOURED AND SIMULTANEOUSLY APOLOGETIC FOR MY LACK OF UPDATES.

I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHEN'S THE NEXT TIME I'LL BE HERE AGAIN; BUT IF I PUT MY HEART TO THIS AND SAY I WILL, I WILL. I WILL BE HERE AGAIN SOON; I'LL SO BE BACKKKKKKKKKK OKAY, PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE ON ME. I AM JUST REALLY BUSY WITH SCH AND HALL ATM.

But, I will be back. (:

BRB.

2010-08-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say."

~Anaïs Nin

I think that pretty much sums up why I've decided to start posting regularly again. I used to write a lot in my formative teenage years, and to date, this blog spans over the last 4 years of my life. I was just cruising through my archives (like how I've been doing sporadically, randomly) and repeatedly I am more than amazed (simultaneously relieved, of course) at how my thought processes, outlook on life and personal convictions have incalculably evolved over time. From idealism to practicality; from a deplorable wayward youth to somebody more sensible albeit much room for maturity still surfacing; from being a devout happily-ever-after fairytale believer to a more level-headed, realistic individual.

Ultimately though, I've still been kinda big on the notion of never growing up - a concept from Peter Pan; /omgz plz don't ostracize me just 'cause I'm an inherent sucker for fairytales - but with the opening of my undergraduate life I am quite ready to start shedding the old adolescent skin in preparation for a sleek new coat of adulthood.

Two days ago, I attended the MOE Taching Scholarship Presentation which presented to me yet another significant milestone in life.

I can't believe the bestie and I have come so far together, from all the talk-crap-seemingly-childish recesses in Primary 6 (year 2003) to receiving our scholarship and award respectively in 2010. I hope we'll continue to stick to each other after she flies over to UK. &I hope she returns in no time. C:

2010-07-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

Start of Something New

my pinboard is extremely empty now but I'll be bringing more photos and cards over to decorate it soon c:

I can't believe I have lived in my hostel for 5 good days. I'm getting used to the life and culture here; suppers and drinking sessions which end late and all, chilling out at odd hours in the common lounge, orientation games etc but actually all I want now is for my term to start proper because I really want to hit the textbooks already. I know how incredibly ridiculous this sounds especially since I'm having a major headache as to which modules to bid for and having a tough time trying to break multiple dilemmas but YES I AM STILL EXCITED TO START LECTURES & TUTORIALS FOR REAL despite being a perpetual academia protestor all my life.

So, I moved in on Monday with my one thousand kazillion hand carriers and bags and my dad was so embarrased about being seen with me and my toys that he forbade me to bring my duck altogether ): Anyway, I was really thankful to be greeted with a relatively clean&tidy room which presented to me merely half an hour's worth of cleaning, following which I could unpack in peace :} IKR; I love my room, its clean state and its convenient location. (very near to toilet, first room away from the block lounge and lift, good view with no sun coming in at all times of the day, no lizards, AND CAN SPY ON OTHER PPL'S ROOMS YAAAA OMG I AM SUCH A FREAK)

Additionally, my boyfriend doesn't have to take such a long time to send me back anymore although it's still a long journey he has to take.

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Albeit the convenience and freedom to plan my own weekly schedule and time now, I miss home very much. )':

2010-07-23T23:44:00.000-07:00

I'll Miss You

This week has been really happening although my mood has taken itself on a roller-coaster ride at the most unexpected moments.

Tuesday: MOE induction @ MOE HQ; saw quite a number of familiar faces and made new friends as well. Bestie was there too but she slept like 9/10 of the whole time so while everyone was tired and shagged at the end of the day she was the only one who was ironically recharged and all ready to head home. -.- Bathed and chilled at her house after our induction programme, then we left for Dhoby Ghaut to meet our boyfs. c; We were supposed to reach there earlier but the boys ended up being earlier than us because we suck at time management and spoiled ourselves silly by painting our nails and ironing our hair before that. :D

Anyway, dinner was @ some sushi place (can't remember the name of the eatery cause my memory fails so bad) and we decided to dig an hour of pool after that. I shall admit here that I have never touched a pool stick let alone play pool in my entire life, and TWW has actually offered to teach me more than a million times but I have declined his offer to be my master time and again because YAAA I SCARED I LOSE FACE INFRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE SO I ONLY WANT TO LEARN WHEN I AM WITH HIM ALONE OKAYYYYY. I have decided that I shall only become his disciple when he brings me to play pool alone with him. Haha haha ha, ohmygod. I deserve to be shot for being so shamelessly blatant about this.

TWW broke this !!! C:

All in all, the double date turned out quite decently and I'm glad both the bestie's and my boyfriend can get along well. (: This marks a good start, at least.

Wednesday was Teoheng night with the boy! After our failed outing last Friday night (which wasn't his fault at all because he didn't mean to twist his ankle and lose his wallet on our way there but being a spoiled terrible bitch I vented my disappointment and frustration on him), Wed night was a blast and we enjoyed ourselves ttmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ._.

Thursday afternoon was spent registering for my university course @ NUS. Made the trip there on my own and t'was really really far, (it made me happy just thinking about staying in Sheares hall and not having to drag my corpse to school every day) but I had a lot of fun @ the matriculation fair and getting to know new people again, 2 of whom are incidentally going to be staying at sheares too! Yay for that, but I can't be over the moon yet, because after all I still do not know any Freshie from Block E. Good luck to me, really. I need lady luck so much atm. Anyway, I took an internal shuttle to visit Sheares hall after my registration and it really looks very warm and cosy and new! :D

Today, TWW came to pick me up and we went to his place so that I could continue to help him with his Marketing Mix report. It's no joke really, like we kinda had to hit 2500 words but we managed it, thankfully. It was just nice chilling out at his house again, wearing his jersey, being fed potato chips by him and enjoying the honey and tea beverage that he prepared for me while I helped with the editing of his report. Had dinner with him and his mom - stingray, sambal sotong, bbq chicken wings and salted fish beansprout omg! All my favourite dishes. Thank you Mrs Tan :P

I was quite happy today although the smile on my face gradually flipped itself upside down towards the end of the day because my baby expressed his sadness about me moving into the hostel next Monday. I know he will miss the memories of sending me back to Kew Drive along Upper East Coast Road, and he was so cute tonight, he told me he'll miss the quiet and peaceful atmosphere surrounding my house and he'll miss taking service 10 to Tampines, then taking 969 from Tampines to Yishun, then taking 804 back to his home. All this while he usually takes about 1.5-2 hours to get home after he sends me back, and I'm really grateful that he always insists on sending me home no matter how tired/sick he is, or how daunting his journey home will be, having to stand for a long time esp if there are no seats at all. I know I have said this so many times, but dearest Tan Wei Wen, I'm so glad I ever found you.

You're the best I've ever had and the best I'll ever have.

/On a side note, I am reluctant to start packing.

2010-07-19T17:31:00.000-07:00

"My Love For You is More Than I Ever Expected."

-TWW

Sometimes I really don't understand myself- I love you so much, why do I still say and do things to unintentionally hurt you? And why're you still so forgiving and tolerant?After having to put up with my crapshitrubbish that night, all you said was that your impression of me had not changed one bit and that I'm still your wonderful and precious girl. This makes me feel worse. Worse about acting the stupid and senseless way I did. I know there's no point regretting and apologising for my unthinking actions and words, no point realising my mistake only after commiting it, and yet here you are, telling me you never blamed me for it. I AM A SINNER ): I deserve more than death for being so bloody childish, self-centred and not knowing what is important and what's not. I wish I could redeem myself; I cannot stop feeling bad about the whole thing. I don't understand how you can act like nothing happened, because I can't. Maybe you're much more mature and I'm just so fricken childish. Much as I never thought I'd say this, but I have to admit, I don't deserve someone as good as you. ):

ARGHHHIHNRHEYTRDH&YETFWYFNIUEWFHIUFHNIUWELFHMLIWEFHMLIHEFML

Sharlyn says:
OMG
ur bf is really very nice !
can see that he treat u really really well
u must treasure him
such guys dun really exist already
since ur bf isn;t angry or what
just tell urself that u will be nicer to him in future
we tend to demand more when we know the person really love us

I need to be a better person. The person who hates me the most now is myself ):

2010-07-08T23:58:00.000-07:00

CRAB DAY!
Happy 4th Month, sweet boy c;

Today, TWW treated me to my favouritest food in the world, chilli crabs. I'm so touched that at the end of the dinner which cost a bomb, he told me: "I think I must bring you to eat chilli crabs more often already. I love to see you eating crabs, cause I know you're happy and it makes me so happy too." ;___;

On top of the awesome meal, he also bought me two new BOOKS {!} by my favourite authors of all time. I was so incredibly happy; I still can't stop smiling now :D Just when I thought you'd be the last person on earth to get me books, surprise surprise. &the S&S cover is pink, omgoshhh! It's like double happiness or something. Plus I can't believe our starting lines in our individual cards to each other WERE THE SAME. We've grown rather telepathic, huh. Thanks for making yet another month so special baby, I appreciate it so much, really. Although there was no long outing this time due to our busy schedules, I'm contented :D I apologise for throwing my tantrums and losing my patience at you before that okay. I hope you know that I didn't mean it at all. I'm always like that, doing and saying things I don't mean )': I may be very blunt and overly direct and offensive at times but I really do care for you very much. Thanks for tolerating all my crap. You're the BEST!!!

{PS. I Love You, Tan Wei Wen c;}

2010-07-02T22:00:00.000-07:00

Forever on the dance floor

Last night, I met up with Beatrice and Nicholas at Plaza Sing's Manhatten Fish Market for dinner. Something like a farewell (?) dinner for Bea who's leaving for Aussie on Monday. It was fun digging all the "would you rather..." questions again that reeked of plain stupidity yet amusement simultaneously. I can't believe we spent the whole of 2009 imagining ourselves in the most horrible plights we could conjure with our brains which were worth so much more than that. =\ We were just being very silly children who tried very hard to find absolutely nonsensical things to entertain ourselves so that we wouldn't crash and burn so much @ the Alevels. I'll miss my classmates very much because 05/08's the best class I've ever been to and could possibly hope/ask for. Take care Beatrice, I'll see you in December alright. surfer dude yozzzzzzzz 0:

2010-06-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight

This week, I started on my job as an external invigilator @ MJC. It's a 2-week stint that pays $7.50/hr which is like 1.5 times my Emicakes salary and my job's pretty simple so I'm happy with my lot. After standing long retail hours, running batches of 2-hour invigilations with 1/2 hour breaks in a friendly environment seems rather effortless. Why am I still tired though!

Yesterday, my duty ended at 10am after the JC1 Math paper and I was supposed to go home to bathe before coming out again to meet my precious boy. Mom actually gave me very precise and explicit instructions on how to make my way to Pasir Ris interchange.

Mom: When you're done with your work, you can leave the school using the sidegate, then cross the overhead bridge and take any bus from the busstop opposite the school to pasir ris interchange. If you're unsure just follow the majority of the MJ students. Shouldn't take long. You'll reach Pasir Ris interchange within like, 5-10 minutes. But remember to exit the school from the sidegate!

Me: Okay!!! Should be quite easy I guess.

Easier said than done. After my duty I was so happy I just walked out of the compounds through the friggin main gate, crossed the road (wtf I didn't even realise that there wasn't an overhead bridge like Mom said there'd be) and waited for any bus that came along. Bus 3 came, and I observed that everyone in the busstop boarded it so I followed blindly and freaking landed up in Punggol 3 stops later. Ya, it kinda hit me that I'd screwed my journey up when the bus hit the expressway and I became damn irritated and annoyed with myself. Plus I was so hungry I could eat a bus.

So a very irritated and moody me called the boyfriend and he told me to take 83 from Punggol to Sengkang interchange, and that he'd rush down from Yishun to look for me. Saviour to my rescue again ._. I felt quite bad because he was still sleeping then and my call woke him up but he was very patient and calm as usual so yay for that! I am becoming useless~ Luckily TWW has a solid sense of direction (like most dogs do hehe ooops) unlike me who really still thinks that Yishun Punggol Sengkang Ang Mo Kio Chua Chu Kang Yio Chu Kang and Telok Kurau are secretly all the same place.

Anyway, we had fried chicken for lunch and kboxed after that. I wish your holidays would last longer uncle. I had loads of fun last Tue, Thur and yesterday.

To my baobao: I'm quite afraid that we may have less time for each other when I enter university and that we'd drift apart but your constant reassurance is helping me keep the faith. Thanks for always being here. I know that I am not the best girlfriend in the world because I promised you countless times that I would stop using swear words and pointing middle finger but have still yet to kick the habit, and I have hurt you a couple of times with my insensitivity but you always put on a strong front although you're hurting like hell inside. ): We STILL have yet to quarrel cause you always give in to me and pamper me and treat me like a queen. I will keep working and put in more effort into this relationship ok!!! c:

2010-06-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

Irresistible OMG :D

Time for some updates in my life:

Been offered and have accepted the place in Sheares Hall. Mom & my other aunts told me that Sheares is mostly for Science students and that I really should've chosen Kent Ridge instead but I told them I doubt I'd get into Kent Ridge anyway since I only have 1 string to pull there.
Short getaway to M'sia from the 13th -15th June: shopping, eating & relaxing.
Super eventful bbq with Fun Clique on the 17th, too bad it started raining intermittently but we managed to bbq most of the food! Then TWW's parents drove me home (for the 2nd time alr) and I'm really grateful for that c:
Father's Day celebration (courtesy of grandad) w the relatives at Expo's Bliss Garden, not a bad one but I was sad because I couldn't sing due to the diminishing voice 0:
Fell sick from the 19th till now, lost my voice; basically just recovered and can't do much shit save for glueing myself to the bed and feeling useless.
Teo-heng with TWW yesterday, then he bought me dinner before I left for work at Emicakes. Work was quite busy, many people bought the minicakes and delights and I was so tempted I ended up buying an oreomisu for myself to eat :D That's what I like about my job - the very fact that I can eat while working.

1.5 months left to the start of university term. Why am I not looking forward to the opening of a new chapter?

2010-06-10T22:30:00.000-07:00

Paparazzi

Thank you darling for the presents, it's really sweet of you. Plus I love your childhood snapshot, you used to look so mischievous. (you still do :P) But very very cute okay!

{ PS. I Love You }

2010-06-07T14:12:00.000-07:00

Two is better than one

Saturday { 5th June 2010 }
{ 3rd Month Celebration, 3 days in advance }

Klunch @ Cine's Kbox
Sakae Sushi @ Wisma
Botanic Gardens
Swensens @ Suntec
BBQ @ Costa Sands

So Saturday was GOOD FOOD DAY with TWW :D We were super excited the night before so we stayed up late to talk on the phone and couldn't sleep after that because we simply couldn't wait for Saturday morning to come. So the losers that were us became uber maxed out at the end of Saturday but we really had so much fun we totally forgot how tired we were. The boyf wore the shirt I designed for him which made me happy : )

& there was this really nice angmoh guy (with the cutest son ever) who offered to help us take a photo so here it is. c:

&&&&&&... we also saw this white little cutie that WW seemed to get along with very well. Why am I not surprised? :D

Awwwww. ^^

Had pre-dinner @ Suntec's Swensens, which ended up being dinner because somehow the portions were bigger, and our appetites smaller, than expected.

After dinner, we made our way to Serina's BBQ chalet @ Costa Sands at night. The Boy taught me how to start a fire and it was also interesting watching him play with hanqiang's kids. Luckily he likes children too, like how I do so damn much :D After chatting with our RSH colleagues we left and cabbed all the way back home. I still feel a little bad about it now because the cab fare was friggin ex, like 30 bucks due to the midnight charges and he readily paid for it without a single complaint even after he'd spent so much on me that day already.

To the decent little boy who always 'chides' me when I use swear words, whose kindhearted-ness never runs out when buying tissue paper from old folks by the roadside, who always protects me and gives me the best and only the best: Thanks for the superb day out gou gou :D Can't wait for our next big outing already : )
♥

2010-06-01T17:37:00.000-07:00

Bonamana

Making money is not easy. Making big bucks is needless to say, harder. Of all the part-time jobs I've taken up during the school vacations since year 2006 (about 6 now already), I think the most I've earned would be at Royal Sporting House, with an income of 1.2k after CPF deduction. But it wasn't easy getting used to going to work from 1pm-9.30pm when almost everyone else was working office hours. Then I did the admin job @ SIA, and I disliked it even more because it was akin to getting up at 6am which was no different from going to school. Anyway, my main point is that after doing entry-level jobs of all sorts I think it's really important to specialise in something you're good at in future, something that very few people/nobody else can do, and something that there's a demand for in order to make it big. If not, one may just draw an income enough to sustain a decent living, to get by comfortably. But perhaps that's sufficient if one's happy with what he's doing. I'm fully aware that being a teacher will not earn me big bucks, but if it's what I like doing, then why not? After all the key thing in life is to be happy.

I just took up a new part-time job at Emicakes @ Tampines 1, which'll last me every Sunday till my university term starts. So I basically still have zilch on my hands every Monday-Saturday and I should really learn how to make better use of this time instead of sleeping in every day.

Super Junior is finally coming to Singapore. I mean like, IKR they finally realised Singapore exists. So initially when I heard the news I was like, okay I cannot miss this chance I really have to have to have to must must must (x100^100) see the boys and my dear sunggiie but then suddenly somebody tells me that I need to buy a phone that costs a friggin grand in order to stand a friggin chance to see them and I'm just like WTF okay so much for being overwhelmed with incipient exhilaration, right. I'm a sad girl. I can't believe Yesung will be standing on the same soil as me and breathing the same air as me and I'll never get to see him. To think I'm so in love with their newest release {Bonamana} because the boys all look so damn good. Good choreography, good dancing, good singing, what more could anyone ask for? IMHO the choreography wins Sorry Sorry's but Sorry Sorry sounds more catchy w/o comparing the dance moves of the 2 performances. I've watched every single bonamona live performance and not once has the group let me down. They're officially the korean group I like best and will always like best.

On a side note, I just watched SS501's new title song's MV and although I've never really liked their concepts I always enjoy listening to their songs for some unknown reason.

2010-05-27T12:48:00.000-07:00

So this is it

So I guess this is it, Pang Yi Xian is going to be a teacher, for real, upon graduation.

But why did my face fall when I opened up the offer package and saw this? I know I did vow that I'd be more than satisfied if they even offered me the award but maybe deep down I still harboured some hope of getting the more prestigious scholarship. Mom said it's okay because since I'm pursuing a local education, it doesn't make much difference whether I get the award or scholarship. Bestie said it's okay too because anyway it's not like I want to be posted to the MOE headquarters after 2 years of teaching to do admin work and policy planning since that's what they assign to the teaching scholarship holders. &of course the boyfriend also encouraged me a lot saying that it's very good already and that he's damn happy for me. Thanks :D

Feeling a little bit of stress now because I read through the package and there are terms such as bond-fulfilling and annual academic targets (yearly GPA blahblah) that have been set for me, which I have to meet by hook or by crook or they may withdraw the award from me anytime and I'll have to pay liquidated damages. But on a happier note, bestie and I are both attending the SAME teaching scholarship presentation ceremony on the 12th August so thumbs up to that! Also, the value of the award excites me because my school fees and visits to the clinic in NUS will be completed sponsored in the next 4 years and there'll be subsidies for my CCA activities and overseas exchange programmes, topped with an annual allowance. So my parents may not have to give me pocket money anymore if I actually live within my means.

Let's take a look at a nicer photo now :D (thanks charlene for this)

sunggggie~

2010-05-25T23:30:00.000-07:00

Q: Why is Superman's shirt so tight?
A: BECAUSE HE WEARS S-SIZE! -.-

this (Changi Beach) is near where I've been working

I had a most serious bout of gastric last week which almost took my life because I became very pessimistic and kept thinking ridiculous, wild thoughts like stomach cancer/ulcer and imminent death. My colleagues were very concerned and kept reminding me to see the doctor asap and I appreciate that they were so caring despite having only known them for a week or so. Of course, I would never have chinned up without the encouragement, love and concern from the parents and the boyfriend. c: I hope such wonderful people stay in my life forever.

I really need to thank my mom for rushing me to the doctor's on Friday night, and for waiting hours with me at the clinic although she could've channeled that time to some good solid sleep. I also need to thank my dearest TWW for always bringing tidbits and snacks in his bag these few days whenever we're out together in case my gastric acts up again. Thanks for the Ritz biscuits and Arnott's Farmbake cookies, love and appreciate them much gougou! ._. ALSO, THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS RANDOMLY SURPRISING ME WITH MY FAVOURITE SAKAE SUSHI'S CHAWANMUSHI :D

Today was my last day of work at SATS@SIA. I really couldn't take the unbearably long and taxing journeys any longer so I requested to withdraw from the position. Felt quite bad about it because I've only worked for less than a week and a half and my colleagues kept trying to convince me to stay on. My supervisor even called up the HR to ask if they could quickly assign me an airport pass so that I could use the airport shuttle from Changi airport every morning instead of spending 1.5 hours to get there on public transport. I almost gave in and agreed to stay on when Garmit, Julie and Lina kept persuading me not to leave but because I was already more than prepared to give up this job I didn't cave in. Lina even bought me brownies when she knew t'was going to be my last day. =\If I'd stayed on longer, I'd probably feel more attached to these very nice people but the hard-hearted creature that is me cannot seem to make a compromise right now.

After work, I met TWW and we went to East Coast Park where we had Macs for dinner after which I tried to teach him Math but I've forgotten quite a bit of my stuff so we gave up and went for a walk instead. Although we only meet twice a week now because he's schooling and working @ the same time, I'm still very thankful already because he is extremely understanding and loving and he is the only person I have actually ever felt safe with :D Things are always happy-go-lucky and fun with him. I like how we can stop in the middle of citylink admist the huge crowd and openly laugh our guts out and have absofrigginlutely no shame about it, aaaaaaand how we can compete to run up flight after flight of steps at MRT stations where I'll end up losing to you even after you've given me a headstart, and how you'll always put your arm around me or offer it to me as a bolster so that I can sleep comfortably on the bus after at the end of a long day. ^^

Now, I need to start my job hunt again. But it doesn't help that when I browse through sites like jobsdb, the only positions that interest me are like "sampan assistant" or "jackpot cashier" or like "pushcart promoter" sigh. I wonder why normal decent admin jobs don't excite me at all and why I can't sit still and always feel that my ass is going to burn and explode if I glue myself too long at an office desk. I don't understand how people don't get bored/tired/sick of office jobs (which is also partially why I didn't want to continue with the SATS one). I am made of shit that's why I keep complaining ): Why do I suddenly feel that working in the retail line is more fun than doing admin work? Used to complain so much about the long hours of standing in Royal Sporting House (11pm / 1pm - 9:30 pm) but then again I couldn't really stand sitting down from 8:30 am -5 pm in the SATS office last week too. This also cannot that also cannot I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN DO, THIS IS WORRYING ME.

2010-05-20T22:40:00.000-07:00

The Future {?}

Sometimes I do think about the future. About what I'm really made out to do, about what heaven has planned for me, about how I will look like when I'm old and wrinkly. In fact, 'sometimes' remains an excruciating understatement. I think about the future so much I barely have enough space to catch a breather. I wonder what it'll be like two years down the road, whether we'll still be together, whether we'll still be as loving as we are now. I hate that the future remains a clueless mystery that's hard to crack, and how living in the present may only accord one transient happiness.

I wonder if it's a coincidence that my last handwritten journal entry was dated the 10th of April 2009 - Your birthdate. I wonder if it's a coincidence that my jersey number (the one that Mr Fung printed wrongly for my team) last year ended up being 8 instead of the usual 17 that I had so wanted and couldn't bear to give up. Seriously, who would've guessed that 8 is now our special number? I find such coincidences freaky and I wonder if heaven had actually left me subtle, enigmatic hints to move the hell on and get over number 17 already.

On a less pensive note, I got a new job and am currently working for SATS @ SIA as an admin assistant/clerk typist/whatever you call it. The job is quite relaxing and I did practically nothing on Monday and Tuesday. I felt bad because I was being paid for doing nothing much & slothing around but come Wednesday, data-entry assignments started flocking to me till the rest of the week. It's quite interesting, though, to learn about Changi Airport's operations and how they pay their flight crew and customer service officers.

At work, I am known as Mary because most people cannot remember/pronounce my name so I created this special English name for myself, which ironically sounds quite horrible and old. It's not even old-school, it's like, OLD. So on Monday everyone was having lunch in the board room and they were like: "So Mary, how long have you been using your English name?" And I was like: "ohh, uh today first day". And everyone laughed. I really like the people here because they're very caring mamas. Good company, good colleagues. The only thing that's killing me is the journey to Airline Rd near Changi because it's friggin far from where I stay and my transport cost totals up to almost $4-$5 PER DAY, which is very wth. Am contemplating to terminate my service with SIA soon because the distance is too damn daunting.

2010-05-11T14:03:00.000-07:00

One More Try {?}

Last Friday, I went for the MOE Teaching Scholarship interview. It was crap. I mean, my responses to the questions were really not up to standard and I think I'm going to pale in comparison to the other shortlisted candidates who have better grades and were able to perform more splendidly at the interview. So, the very first question they asked me was:

"Yi Xian, you come from a family of educators!!! *WIDES SMILES FROM THE WHOLE PANEL* Can you share with us what dinner conversations are like?"

I was stumped. I know it was meant to be like one of those not-so-serious warm up questions that they do at interviews but I really wasn't prepared for this and all I wanted to say was: "We normally talk about how nice my mother's cooking gets" but I figured it would sound frivolous and overly casual so I got nowhere near there and gave a completely irrelevant answer which of course didn't seem to impress them at all. =\

So the interview started off on a not-so-fantastic note and subsequently it was quite difficult to plaster the smiles back onto their grim faces. They also asked me what qualities I have that could help impact the current education system and I really thought for a long while because it did occur to me that the only leadership position I ever took on was that of an OGL and a subject REP in TA1. Which would probably sound unimpressive, again. GAHHH. Not good at all.

And when they asked me how I would make lessons more interesting, I gave a completely childish answer like "teaching is not just about teaching the subject, it's about teaching students, teaching people. Being interesting would mean having to engage the students and arouse their curiosity and excitement in the subject. Perhaps, since you have provisionally allocated English Lit and English as teaching subjects to me, I could organise more discussions and even games for the students because these subjects provide more room for flexibility and fluidity in conducting the lessons. "

When I said organise games, they were just like ... speechless so I'm guessing that's not a very good indication. I can't help the fact that I'm still quite childish and maybe even superficial on some levels. ): The worst question was: "Just out of curiosity, why did you list down UNIFORMED SERVICES as your second choice after teaching?" and my answer to that was:

"Oh ..um halfway through I actually considered becoming a policewoman or a female detective because my father was formerly from the police force and he's shared quite a number of his exciting experiences with us, which inspired me a great deal, so I listed it down as my second option. But my parents have also told me that it is not what I expect it to be right now, especially since I'm a girl. I'm so sorry for listing it down!"

...aaaaaaaaaaaand the whole panel of interviewers burst out into uncontrollable laughter, at me. Sigh I really wish I had prepared myself more for the interview because I now realise that I was just really LUCKY to have been even shortlisted and I'm beyond dumb for having bummed such a great opportunity that was offered right in my face. The only part which I could comfortably respond to was when they asked me about my working experience as a Customer Service Associate in RSH. Other than that, my performance was nowhere near decent and I really don't expect to get the scholarship anymore. If I'm really lucky, they may decide to offer me the Teaching Award (which is a notch less prestigous than the scholarship) and I would be happily contented, but even that would be kinda too much to expect given my substandard performance. I can't believe I bust my chance grrrrrr and I really don't dare to raise my hopes or expect anything anymore.

2010-05-09T23:53:00.000-07:00

Too good to be true, But it's true :D

Yesterday, TWW brought me out to Sentosa to mark our 2nd month. We'd been planning for this day for quite awhile already and initially when he suggested going there I really thought he wanted to suntan/dig some beach soccer. GUESS WHAT THOUGH? My doggie was actually dying to go to The Images of Singapore (albeit having been there many times before). Nothing wrong with that, it makes me even happier because I like that attraction very much too. We're such geeky nerds omg ._.

Breakfast & Chairlift!

Luge Ride!

the jigsaw puzzle we bought : D

At 4+, we headed back to Vivo to chill for awhile because we were drained of energy to the max and were close to sleeping with our eyes open. Bought coffee @ Gloria Jeans', then slept in the train on the way to Marina Square to meet his friends (Fun Clique), to celebrate XR's belated 16th. I was very hungry while the guys were playing pool but thankfully the boy bought me nuggets to help my unhappy demanding stomach tide over. Chatted with XR while waiting for them and she's really quite a funny cute little lady. :)

the birthday girl & her boyf

Dinner was @ Hotpot Culture. XR and I were really famished ttm by then but I guess the rewarding meal was certainly worth the wait. Felt like I could eat everyth in the restaurant.

All in all, a really good day out topped with bonus fun and laughter.

Happy 2nd Month : )

2010-05-02T23:58:00.000-07:00

Who Would've Known

How were we ever t know we'd actually get together 2 months down the road from the time we took the above picture :D

Maybe the only reason I actually miss working in RSH is because I miss working with you.

2010-05-02T16:20:00.000-07:00

24/7

This post is dedicated to the special boy, who

couldn't sleep on Sunday night because I was feeling moody,
still came down to Paya Lebar to look for me after school on Monday although he was not feeling well, taking care not to get angry with me when I childishly tricked him over the phone,
endured my stupid tantrums and brought me to eat awesome pig liver soup on Wednesday after my blood donation,
rushed to meet me after his school on Thursday and sent me to Siglap (where I was gna have dinner with TBB)
spent money again @ Marina trying to catch stuffed toys for me from the toy machine on Friday,
made multiple trips in and out of the pantry to reply my messages at work on Saturday,
took such great care of me every single day of the week even though he was down with a serious bout of cough, flu and headache.

To my dearest baby gou gou: I hate myself for my pride and I don't like to say sorry most of the time. But this time, I apologise if I have not been caring enough towards you this week. I know I've been very PMS-y and moody of late because of stuff happening at home but I really should have showered more attention on you esp when you have been sick for such a long while. I know 'sorry' is so cheap, and may not be enough to reverse the hurt but I still want to say it because I mean it. I'm sorry, and I thank you for unconditionally looking after me so well even when you're unwell and for not bearing any grudge against my lack of care. This week has been an unstable one for us but I hope the next will be better.

Here're a hundred hearts for you:

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
I love you.

2010-05-01T16:00:00.000-07:00

Escape this town for a little while

I think it's scary how adulthood seems to be very insidiously advancing upon us. I dislike how I actually need to start making decisions for myself, be accountable for my own actions and to constantly remind myself that I need to stop wandering around frivolously in my perfect dreamworld, to not lose sight of the real future ahead of me and to wake up from the 19-year-old mess that I've created for myself.

I owe my half-hearted efforts to my laziness, apathy and procrastination. I don't know which is the worst- knowing what I'm supposed to do but being over-consumed by the sloth monster and hence turning in a sloppy job, OR not even bothering to find out what I'm supposed to do simply because I couldn't care less, OR coming up with all sorts of unpardonable excuses to defend my passive behaviour of pushing everything to the last minute. This sucks. I'm at an age where I'm supposed to have figured most things out for myself, or at least, made a concerted effort to START FIGURING OUT MY LIFE AND STRAIGHTEN IT ONCE AND FOR ALL. But no. My bad.

At 19, I can wake up at noon every day when half the world is already up and going. I can watch a massive number of youtube videos and spend my time as a couch potato feasting my fat eyes on korean/ hongkong drama serials. And then something within me calls out to say that: "hey, I'm currently taking a break from work anyway. Shouldn't I just relax and enjoy?" And then it hits me that actually, all of these are supposedly fine, BUT only if I'm alongside actively expanding my intellectual capacity such as pursuing greater reads and building on my global awareness (the last time I actually laid my hands on the newspapers was last year), AND making sense of where I'm ultimately heading by developing a daily routine. I need to stop living so randomly. At the rate I'm going I'm heading for disaster ):

At 19, I can wake up hours ahead of an arranged date in the early afternoon, but still end up being late and having people wait for me. My mother is always asking me what I do with my spare time, and I don't even know how to answer that. Most of the time, if I'm not spoiling my eyesight infront of the computer, I'm just in a daze, staring into (godknowswhat) blank space and dreaming of nothing. I need to get a life. I need to get alive. Need to make better use of my time already.

By right, I should be happy because I'm lucky enough to receive offers that I want from both NUS and NTU, and I should be happy because just yesterday I was called up by MOE and informed that I've been shortlisted for the MOE Teaching Scholarship. BUT now it's freaking me out because I realise that my local, regional & global awareness suck ttm and I only have 1 week before my interview to remedy my pathetic plight by READING WIDELY AND GETTING TO KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING AROUND THE WORLD AND TO FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP LOCKING MYSELF IN MY MINI LITTLE SELF-CONTAINED WORLD.

I mean, how can I make a difference in the lives of others if I cannot even make a difference in my own? How can I mould the future of our nation if I cannot even mould my own? How can I be a teacher who is capable of inspiring students if I can't do all these? At this point, I can very safely say I don't really deserve to be offered a scholarship. And yet I am still hoping that I will get it because I've wanted to be a teacher since young. My incipient childhood ambition may have been shaken at certain stages in life; no doubt I've considered alternative routes, but yeah at the end of it all, I realise I like working with children very much and I would like to influence and ignite confidence in the young and cultivate moral values within them.

But first of all, I need a breakthrough. Not an academic one. But a moral/character one.

2010-04-28T02:58:00.000-07:00

100/100

I miss you.
Please get well soon dearest Mr Tan WW. ):

It's 2:58 am and for some reason I can't sleep get to sleep! I hope the boy is asleep already, though. He still has school in the morning.

For now, let me try to shut those eyes. Blood donation in 6 hours time. I'm feeling nervous again now but hey I asked for it. =\

2010-04-25T17:00:00.000-07:00

Perfect Sense

Mr Tan Wei Wen brought me to Marina Barrage on Friday. We were supposed to fly a kite BUT SOMEBODY WHO ONLY REMEMBERED TO BRING HIMSELF FORGOT TO BRING THE KITE AND I REALLY WONDER WHO HE IS! Oooops, hit a raw nerve. But anyway, we were entertained by Mediacorp who was there filming a new channel 8 drama so we watched them but they took up the entire wave of seats nearest to the S'pore flyer side so we had to sit elsewhere.

Dinner was @ Lau Pa Sat; we had stingray, oyster omelette and kangkong but I ended up eating most of it because

1. My doggie is very good to his master and takes a lot of initiative to stuff my plate with food :D
2. SOMEBODY can barely take spicy food (but he still ordered them anyway just because I like it). =\

Thanks baby : ) I know you always give in to me no matter what and very few people can tolerate my nonsense and temper and suscribe to my whims and fancies. The reason we haven't quarrelled up till now is really largely because your patience hasn't run out yet and you never fail to make me smile even when I'm unhappy, angry or emotionally unstable. ♥

Me: Ehh darling, can you quarrel with me please? We haven't even come close to quarreling, it's so abnormal. I want to be normal.
♥: Aiyo, quarrel for what? The reason why we never ever quarrel is because we understand each other very well. We may quarrel someday, but it won't be anytime soon.

HAHA. We had that conversation on Wednesday during our steamboat and now I think I'm mad to have even asked that. But we all do and say crazy things for love, don't we?

Yesterday, I met up with the girls (Krystal, Gelin, Daphne & Michelle) @ Tampines and Michelle drove us to Tanjong Katong Rd for our mini reunion(why does this sound funny) steamboat dinner. If you ask me to describe the entire meal in one word, I would say it's funny because I still highly suspect that the place is secretly an illegitimate farm stuffed with goats and cows. Which explains why the man who fell in love with Michelle kept serving us beef and lamb and blatantly ignored our requests for other types of food. He also didn't allow us to bring the free bottle of beer home, which is plain ridiculous and left poor Gelin disappointed because we know she secretly wanted to get drunk at home and be blessed with a stupendous hangover the next morning so that she wouldn't need to go to work @ Subway.

So, Saturday was quite well-spent and when I got home after midnight, I had 2 pieces of good news waiting for me.

1. I've been offered a place in NUS's FASS and have accepted it. Thank God because I took a huge risk by filling up my application form with only 1 miserable choice out of the 10 empty boxes (since there is no other faculty I want to go to in NUS already) so if I didn't get my one and only choice I would seriously be screwed.

2. My doggie TWW did something very sweet because he wanted to make me a very happy happy ger ger! True enough, his action pretty much surprised and delighted me {!} THANK YOU :D

Time to stop bumming around and to get a proper job for real. I've spent 2 weeks working as a full-time sloth and a part-time couch potato. Time to get out of this indulgent mode. ):

2010-04-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

♥

This is my favourite doggie carrying my bag for me and acting silly. Admittedly, I like that he always does this when we're out together, even if it's a handbag. c:

Okay, I've no idea why your hair looks black here!

We had steamboat dinner @ East Coast yesterday, and he did most of the cooking because I really fail ttm at cooking and he'll never let me forget the time when we had steamboat dinner @ Marina's Hotpot Culture and my soup became so burnt it had to be thrown away.

♥: Eh you just sit there and get ready to eat can already. Your lao gong will cook for you. You don't need to do anything!
Me: I WANT TO COOK ALSO! CAN CAN CAN?
♥: Okay la you cook the fish then I cook the chicken and beef.

5 seconds later...

♥: EHHH the way you cook is wrong already! Must slowly add, then spread out, where got people just throw one big pile on top one. Like that it won't be cooked properly.. WAHH somemore you add so much oil, XIAO JIE, we eating fish or eating oil? AIYA I DO LA!!!

FAIL HAHA HAHA HA.

After dinner, we went to sit at the breakwater to watch the stars but it's sad because there're very few stars in Singapore so there's not much to gaze at. Needless to say, though, I still enjoyed myself. TWW sent me home as usual, but t'was getting quite late by then and I was quite afraid he'd miss his last bus home after seeing me back. Thankfully he didn't miss it.

So yesterday was great partially because I also managed to do some good solid shopping in the afternoon.

{PS I should get over the stupid Vans shoe already omg. ): }

2010-04-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

Photos taken during my last day @ RSH:

All the best to my dearest kakas! You girls will be missed.

2010-04-15T23:48:00.000-07:00

Somebody Call 911
Thank you baby for surprising me with the cake I like so much in the afternoon!

Today, we went cycling at East Coast Park! I simply adore cycling with my doggie because he has excellent control of the 2-seater couple/double (whatever you call it) bike and I don't ever want to ride it with anyone else because I feel superbly safe only when I'm riding it with him. (Actually, I feel so damn safe and secure no matter what I'm doing, as long as he is around. :D) The first time I rode a double bike was with the bestie in Secondary 1 and t'wasn't too bad actually; I didn't fall, but it wasn't very stable and I kept shrieking because I felt so wobbly (?) throughout. {Pat when you read this please don't kill me, you're still awesome and I still ♥ you okay!}

Anyway, all was good until it started pouring like mad and we had to seek shelter under some random pavilion instead of continuing our journey. Such a pity right! So we ended up hiding from the downpour for almost an hour before the rain subsided to a drizzle, but it wasn't boring at all anyway and at least we didnt' get drenched or soaked to the skin. We had char-grilled steak and fried wings for dinner (quite sinful but good btw) but the gluttony pig that is me didn't have enough to eat as usual so I got myself my favourite hot fudge sundae from Macs after the awesome dinner.

At 8+, I slowly ate my sundae while watching the boy play soccer with his adult team in the indoor (?) soccer field. It's such a happy happy (albeit foreign, almost stranger-like) feeling that I haven't experienced in a super long while already, you know! And wtfomg TWW still called me 'darling' out loud when he was on the field. o.0 SO SHAMELESS RIGHT HAHAHAHAHA. Yet I secretly smiled to myself - which is very freaky, I know, but don't mind me please, you have a very silly woman here.

&Because I was quite hopeless at cutting the steak @ dinner, my doggie periodically stopped eating so that he could cut whatever was remaining in my plate into smaller pieces for me :D Gosh I'm becoming rather useless.

Me: Ehh if you keep doing this kind of simple thing for me I will become a 废物 (fei wu) in time to come you know.
♥: Nevermind la! Scared for what? I take care of you can already.

: )

2010-04-14T23:55:00.000-07:00

1,2,3,4

I went for the NTU English Literature interview today, gave blatantly truthful responses to everything that I was asked (even if it was at the expense of my securing a place there). The interviewer (some caucasian guy) was extremely keen on finding out what books I've read since I completed the A'levels and I really didn't know what to say (simply because I freaking haven't read a morsel of anything except the astrology pages online but I couldn't possibly tell him that) so I stupidly told him I've been immersing myself in self-help books to manage my anger. I am so not kidding, okay. =\

He also asked me what other Jane Austen books I've digged besides Pride & Prejudice, which made me panic ttm because to be painfully honest, I haven't read the other works of Austen so I just blurted out whatever came to my mind and went: "I think I read Mansfield Park.." and he was like, "You THINK?" after which I quickly clarified that I embarked on it but gave up halfway and he sighed, saying it was a pity. AND THEN came the weirdest part where he ranted on and on about the book 'Mansfield Park' and started getting all emotional, reaching the extent of taking off his specs and wiping his tears away. {?!} &I got quite freaked out yet a little zzz at the same time, so I had to stuggle very hard to keep myself awake and to constantly remind myself not to lose him.

I kinda screwed up the written test as well; I'd started off perfectly fine with 'The Handmaid's Tale' (which I chose to comment on/critique) but somehow my mind wandered off to another place and I friggin wrote a full paragraph on Shakespearre's "The Tempest". (I know right, OMG, can things start t get better already)

Which is very WTF now that I look back at my sheer idiocy; but nevertheless, the interviewer assured me that he thinks I'd graduate with a good degree and that my A in Lit & History would stand me in good stead aaaaand that, he hopes he'll see me when the uni term opens in August. I don't exactly know what to feel about this because much as it signals something positive, I dare not raise my hopes yet. AND, why hasn't NUS contacted me?! I know I only submitted my application and supporting documents 2 days before the deadline butbutbut : (

So anyway, after the interview, I met the boy at Orchard and although we only spent 2 very short hours with each other, I still have to thank TWW for specially coming down at my convenience (since I was going t have dinner with Shark&Sherm @ Ion thereafter). Also, I really need to thank my dad for literally driving me around the past few days and 'waiting like a fool for me @ various places' (quote him).

Dinner was great, ate @ Watami where we girls had fun laughing at this waiter called Jay who supposedly kept gliding around and kneeling infront of whichever table he was serving. Spent a long long (I can't emphasize this enough) time catching up with the sisters and I'm really glad we met up because it seriously felt like YEARS since we last had an all-girls' talk of this sort.

2010-04-12T14:00:00.000-07:00

My hair is big because it's full of secrets

This is certainly coming a tad late, but better late than never anyway so here I am.

On Friday, celebrated TWW's birthday in advance with him and his friends, aka THE FUN CLIQUE c: They're really very funny, friendly and warm people, so thumbs up to that :D But the food took forever to arrive which made my stomach quite grumpy and I was really tired of waiting and waiting and waiting. The boy's food was served earlier, but he insisted on waiting for mine to be finally served before he eventually started eating and I felt rather horrible about that because he was the birthday boy after all and his stomach was probably growling louder & harder than mine already ): That being said, I also felt quite bad because Sanjeven waited eons for our food to come but finally gave up because the wait was too damn daunting. Still, here's to everyone, for taking the time and effort to celebrate WW's 19th. Thank You!

This is the only photo I have so far ._.

Saturday was equally eventful: met the boy at Northpoint, lunched @ Pastamania, made an absolutely phail visit to the Library, after which we ended up in the arcade where I owned him 5-3 at air hockey. Wanted to take neoprints again but the neoprint machine looked as if only 1 person could fit in. After that we went our separate ways and right now I feel like I'm writing a Primary School composition on "How I spent my Holidays" with complete illustration. =\

Made my way to Clementi to meet Coco and Clare @ 5:30pm, where we shared a cab to Singapore Yatch Club. T'was really awesome to see familiar faces all over again; &Much as I missed everyone so friggin much, simultaneously it hit me that my class (05/08) pretty much lives in the moment. Which is to say, unless there is a proper plan of some sort, we'll always be randomly floating in ambiguity, never managing to concretize any plans for activites or events. This applies to me as well, I'm no exception; much as I wish the KPop @ Mardi Gras thing would miraculously crystallize, I know commiting to it is plausibly much easier said than done. Which is quite sad because we know we can rock the whole thing upside down if we want to.

ANYWAY, here're the pictures from Zuoqi's Italian Buffet Party! c:

o5/08, the most fantastic elastic class ever

TBB w/o Beatrice. Wish she'd been there though!

2010-04-08T23:59:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 1st MONTH :D

Met TWW @ Cityhall today and we kboxed from 2pm - 7 pm :D Such a refreshing plus exciting break from the mundanity of having to slog my guts out for the past 3 months in the retail line. ANW, the boy was very sweet, in the midst of the session he abruptly cooked up some absurd excuse claiming that he needed to go out of the room to settle something. And I was quite pissed off; so because I wasn't exactly keen on sitting there alone like a lonely fool and being the meanie that is me, I deleted his list of selected songs and started singing my own songs =\

...when he suddenly appeared out of nowhere with Eugene and Daryl with a heart-shaped chocolate cheesecake from Four Leaves. I think I wasn't very good @ expressing my appreciation on the spot but I was actually super touched by his cute gesture & utterly lost for words okay{!}

So the day went pretty well and I was a very happy girl at the end of it all. My dearest boy sent me home as usual, but he had a horrible horrible stomachache and threw up on the way back which made me very sad and worried and sad and worried D: Thinking back, I really wish I could've been more caring towards him. The feeling of being absolutely helpless and useless and seeing my boyfriend vomit like nobody's business is quite unbearable, really. I need to learn to be a better girlfriend.

THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN FOR ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR ME MR TAN WEI WEN :D

♥

2010-04-07T02:23:00.000-07:00

Almost There

Over the weekend, my period came & the cramps hurt like hell during work & I was in great morbid pain but I actually smiled when my dearest doggie TWW wrote a note for me and passed it to me through Liza. On top of that, thank you Love for approaching Liza for cramps medicine so that I could get through the rest of the day. :D Plus kudos t you as well for coming all the way down to bring me 2 bottles of my favourite purple drink on Monday. Such a sweet little thoughtful caring happy boy; I love you so very much :D

My boyfriend is so going to kill ( SMANG {?!} ) me if he knows that I'm still awake at this time because he made me promise that I would be in bed by 11:30 pm o.0 but I really can't sleep; insomnia seems to be knocking at my door at all the wrong moments.

Anyway, ~~today~~ yesterday (Tuesday) we went to the airport :D Really enjoyed the day although the time we spent together wasn't exactly very long. Time always passes too quickly when we're together :c Okay I know my entries are getting cheesier by the day; I guess it's a symptom of being in love and I really hope I can forget my past completely and stop being skeptical/cynical about the whole notion of love altogether.

♥

2010-03-31T23:57:00.000-07:00

Why I Like You

actually, I don't really know why I do. I just do. :D

I like how you look like you've been to the gym for 3 hours, working up a sweat, when all you've done is eat half a bowl of mee rebus -.- (yet looking as though you're going to explode from the spiciness already HAHAHA ooops I let the cat out of the bag)
I like how you "scold" me for wearing mini-skirts that are too short, YES I WILL WEAR THE black black thing (leggings -.-) when I wear shorter skirts alright Mr Tan!
I like how you often initiate ridiculous lame childish {but very cute c:} games like Pepsi Cola 123 and Scissors Paper Stone just to make me smile :D
I like how you kept offering me your sleeve to wipe my mouth and face today when there was 100plus trickling all over my face because I simply cannot eat&drink without dropping or spilling anything :D (omg this is actually quite gross HAHA)
I like how you don't even think that is gross =\
I like how you always donate to the tissue auntie/uncle without even taking all 3 packets of tissue from them.
I like how you always make sure I eat well, and how you never fail to automatically unwrap burger wrappers & set the dining utensils properly for me first so that I can have a good meal in peace, andandand how you perpetually make sure that the seat/chair is clean before graciously pulling it out for me to sit : )
I like how you keep insisting that I'm cuter than you no matter how many times I insist that it's the other way round. ._.
I like how you love singing lovey dovey songs to me regardless of how many times I ask you to keep quiet and stop being so noisy. :D (x10000000^1000000)
I like how we're happy even when we're not doing anything; just being together and being together only.

Thank you for the lovely day out today, doggie/piggie/chicken/gorilla boy :D

TAN WEI WEN You are cuter than me okay! :o

2010-03-26T23:45:00.000-07:00

I Love You.

This is the cute {xinfinity} boy who told me:

"It's okay if you want to remain like a child forever. Don't need to care about what others say, okay? I like you for who you are. Even if you want to remain like a kid for the rest of your life, it's alright. I'll take care of you. I'll be there when you need me. I'll also be there when you don't. My shoulder will be yours for the rest of your life. So don't worry. I really want you to be a very happy girl. We'll walk to the end together. "

♥

O,M,G.

no wonder everyone at work says I'm so damn lucky.

2010-03-20T23:53:00.000-07:00

That's When I Love You

I'm so glad I ever met you. Who would have thought we'd actually be happily together now? I wish our happiness'd last forever. I like how we are so different, yet so alike in so many ways.

I don't want 'forever' to be a god damned lie again because baby, your appearance in my life allowed me to

re-discover myself

&restore my long-lost faith in Love,

granting me the ability to love, and to accept being loved, again.

To the Dearest Boyfriend who believes in me and my abilities no matter what I do: I am very blessed to have found you. Wo ai ni!!! c:

2010-03-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

To Me, You Are Perfect.

It's true, we will never know what is going to happen in the future. But as for now, I would like to say that I've met the person I really want to spend the rest of my life with. It may still be too early to say, but we are going to work hard together. I had my insecurities at first, and they still come and go every now and then, like a pesty flock of migrating birds. But it's always the reassurance, the comfort, the care, the love, and the understanding smile from the boy I love so much that override my psychological fear. I hate to think that I have my insecurities (mostly stemming from my lost faith in this very sacred thing called Love), which have over the past couple of years, insiduously accorded me an inclination towards not wanting to getting married. But somehow- meeting you, getting to know you and your wonderful character, being taken care of so damn well by you, &most importantly, having found myself falling head over heels in love with you, over and over again, changed my mindset, for real.

It's been a long time since I said this with genuine sincerity, but:

I love you, Tan Wei Wen.

Thank you for bringing me to the doctor when I was suffering from stomach flu and not giving a shit about how the people in the women's clinic (even the doctor -.-) were probably thinking that I was pregnant with your child or something.
Thank you for buying me the expensive herbal tea (purple drink :D) each time we work on the same day.
Thank you for buying the fever pack for my forehead, the Jacob's breakfast biscuits, and for bringing your jacket for me to ECP when I was feeling so unwell that day.
Thank you for your AUNTIE ANNE'S :D
Thank you for always sending me home no matter how late it is or how tired you are.
Thank you for helping me to serve the calculative and difficult Miss Ng today.
Thank you for putting that shirt around me when I was asleep (and feeling cold) in the pantry today.
Thank you for all your jokes and your candidness.
Thank you for always holding me so close to you whenever I'm feeling upset or tired or even when I'm not, and whispering into my ears, that you love me.

Most importantly,

Thank you for being who you are and for making me understand the meaning of life, and of love.

2010-03-11T23:55:00.000-08:00

More Than Awesome

Today was my father's birthday, so the parents brought us to Changi Village Hotel (Saltwater) for a celebratory dinner. The food was good, especially the seafood chowder soup. omg I am actually intrigued by my own fetish for all kinds of soup.

My father, aka the Birthday Boy, couldn't stop fidgeting and bouncing around when we were singing the Birthday song to him back at home. Mom told him he looked like one of those kids with an Attention Deficit Disorder. From then on, he made a serious decision and a concerted effort to sit still in his chair. And we lived happily ever after.

I love my father. He is secretly younger than me.

Happy Birthday, Dearest Papa.

2010-03-08T19:40:00.000-08:00

EIGHTHMARCH TWOTHOUSANDTEN

this is the very cool loyal girlfriend who saved me from tearing my hair while doing the speedo stocks today.

On Monday, I bought some Adidas and Puma apparel for my family from RSH as a small token from my 2nd month salary and although I'm $130 poorer now, I'm a much happier person because just seeing the smiles on their faces is very heartwarming & makes it worth any form of monetary give-away.

On the very same day, I also discovered that I actually enjoy having my lunch on the staircase outside Tampines 1. (because...) :D

A while ago, I remember telling Aida that I couldn't decide between being a teacher or an entertainer. Of course, the crazy shoe-designer came up with a brilliant solution to break my dilemma.

Aida says:

you can be an entertaining teacher.

I'm lovin' it. This girl never fails me. When I grow up, I want to be an entertaining teacher. c:

2010-03-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

All My Life

Hello, these are my crazy bodoh malay girlfriends and I love them very much because they are full of awesome c:

Today, a few unhappy things happened.

was late for work because I missed my bus (again) :(
had to serve a very very (x234567899876543) difficult kiasu female customer who kept coming back {?!} to ask for further discount. :(
my swarovski-crystalled bracelet broke while I was pumping up a soccer ball :(
teared again in the morning because I kept brooding over Math results. :(
constantly felt so physically worn-out for no apparent reason :(

So yes, I was quite emotionally disturbed and my mood was highly volatile but ~~something~~ someone's presence made up for all the sad stuff.

It was you, your concern, your thoughtfulness, your helpfulness, and most importantly, your smile that saw me through the day.

: )

2010-03-05T22:53:00.000-08:00

Que Sera Sera

Mrs Goh (my very dedicated, animated and lovely Math tutor) just sent me this:

"Yi xian, i know u were very motivated and had practised very hard for alevel maths. The only reason i could think of for not getting a better grade was too many careless mistakes made in the papers. But whatever your result is, you are my Grade A student - a very kind-hearted and most sensible lady who will hold a special place in my memory for many many years to come."

Can someone tell me what heinous sin I have commited in my past life to constantly let people down in this life of mine?

Yesterday, many people reacted to me with: "ehh Math C so what? Anyway you want to do English Lit in Uni what, they won't even look at your math grade! What's important are your grades for Lit and GP!"

Which is true, because I know I can get into the course of study I want but that's not what I'm worried/dejected about at all. If you know me well enough, you'd truly understand and know the only reason why I'm upset. (which is basically what I was drilling at in my previous entry.) :[

Mrs Noordin was also one of those who came up to me yesterday; and by the look on her face I could tell she was quite disappointed that I didn't get an A grade for GP, because she'd predicted I would and expected me to. But frankly speaking I wasn't expecting much for GP because my essay wasn't wholesome enough.

I promise this is the last time I will talk about Math. ~~But promises are made to be broken, right?~~

2010-03-05T22:35:00.000-08:00

I'm Sorry, Mummy.

So, my Alevel results are out.

General Paper: B
English Literature: A
History: A
Economics: B
Math: C
*Project Work: A

I had a bad feeling about Math the whole morning of results day but other than whining to Beatrice Coco and Charlene there was nothing much I could do about the ominous feeling that was getting to me. Fast forward to the moment of truth in the hall and I knew I screwed up Math when Miss Nansi said: "Um Yi Xian..you've performed well but I don't know how you're going to feel about this..."

And of course I was dumbfounded when I saw the C grade for Math but the first thing I did was to sms my results to those who'd requested to know. Of course, the only replies I was anxiously waiting for were those from my dearest family.

Papa: "congratulations! You are clearly an arts/humans person. Your chances of getting into NUS or NTU should be very good. Time to celebrate!"

Mummy: "ok Congrats! U did well. Abt 81/90 pts."

Yi Wen: "Okay, well done =)"

Yi Wei: "Haha okay ma not bad."

and at that instant I really couldn't take it; tears started welling up in my eyes and I cried. I cried and I cried so uncontrollably and I tried to rub the tears away but they kept flowing non stop :( I called mom and I told her over the phone that I was very sorry for doing so poorly in Math. All she said was: "don't worry, don't cry! it's quite a good set of results you know? anyway it's all over already!" which made me feel even more bitter.

How could I get a C for Math? I would rather have gotten the C for something like Econs and achieve at least a B for the subject that I knew I was weak in but still studied so ridiculously hard for. Last year, I prioritised Math over Lit and History. Needless to say, Econs really meant nothing to me; I left it to rot in the dumps at the back of my head without giving two shits about it. Additionally I misread one of the essay questions and didn't complete the paper. In contrast, after attempting the Math Alevels, I thought even the worst grade I'd get would be a B. But the outcome was absolutely unanticipated.

The moment I saw the fugly C time just seemed to stop for eternity and all I could think of was my mother. Sure, she would definitely understand but honestly, what the hell did she do in her past life to deserve a lazy and playful daughter like me who can't even secure at least a friggin B for Math? She wasn't even expecting an A for me, just a simple humble B. You wouldn't imagine how upset I felt at that point in time; it's such an unbearably helpless feeling that I cannot fathom uptil now. I just couldn't help feeling bad for my dearest mother. This C grade of mine would look so bad on her, and it's not as if she didn't put in the effort to teach me. She did. A lot, in fact. She's the best Math teacher I've ever known in my life and she will always be. It's just my lousy fault for having no math/science brain and always panicking under exam conditions and screwing up my Math papers and allowing my Math grade to fluctuate like hell.

I had no face to see Mrs Goh either, so when I caught sight of her I quickly went to hide :( Of course, she sent me an sms in the late afternoon telling me that she shared my disappointment but she told me to be strong, and that made me feel damn bloody lousy about myself (again).

So yes, my pathetic Math grade left me very heavy-hearted for the rest of the day. When I got home after having a brief ice cream break @ Ice Cream Chefs with the classmates, my dad stuck out his hand to congratulate me. I couldn't accept his congratulatory gesture simply because I do not deserve it. I have no idea why I'm taking it so hard, but a C for Math is clearly unacceptable given my input. Then mom came into my room and asked: "why did you cry? nevermind la..." and she hugged me and I hugged her back and I broke out into tears all over again. All of a sudden, I felt that this would be one of the biggest regrets in my life- not being able to even do my mummy proud for once...

Nevertheless, my parents brought me out for a good alfresco-dining meal @ town area to "celebrate". I guess I'm very lucky to have such understanding, educated and encouraging parents but I think I will always carry this regret with me, because I don't even know and will never ever know what on earth went wrong with my Math script.

{PS. thank you to all who sent me messages to wish me good luck/all the best and for having so much faith and confidence in me. I am very blessed to have such caring people around me who believe in my abilities. Although I am upset about Math, I am pretty okay with the rest of the grades already because the output is definitely more than the input.}

2010-02-25T23:49:00.000-08:00

Replay

I think the most interesting part about working in the retail line is the likelihood of randomly seeing familiar faces. Last night, a girl came up to me and enquired: "Hello miss, do you guys have track pants?" and immediately I thought she bore an uncanny resemblance to somebody whom I used to know but I didn't dare to make any wild guesses, so I was just planning on merely showing her the way to the Umbro corner in the capacity of a retail assistant... when my boss called my name. From there, she instantly took the cue and went: "Are you Yi Xian?" and right at that instant I recalled who this girl was, but somehow I was afraid (-.-) to confirm it at point blank, so I shifted around uneasily and gave a very stupid geeky smile, which was met with a crestfallen disappointment on her part. Nevertheless, she continued and asked: "You don't remember me already? I was your home econs partner in Sec 2!" &That finally gave me enough confidence to scream: "YOU'RE HANNI RIGHT !!! :D" and we both broke into the widest grins ever. c:

Another incident which made me really laugh was the time when I served Mr Hasim last week. : ) He came in, in his green polo and bermudas and I couldn't help but shout across the shop "MRRRR HASIMMMM!!!" after which he gave me his usual cheeky you-have-no-idea-what-i-did-last-night chuckle. Of course, he took absolute delight in getting me to serve him. "Miss, can I have this in M?" HAHAHAHA it was hilarious; the moment I closed the door behind me in the storeroom I giggled non-stop like crazy and my female colleague thought I was mad.

Today, I went shopping :D $$$ flying away again like nobody's business. Nothing much happened, but on the way home a dog fell in love with me. I was just crossing the road back to my house and this dog (on a leash) kept struggling to follow me in the direction I was heading. It's owner was absolutely stunned. She called out to me: "Hey he likes you a lot you know!!! Do you have a Jack Russell at home?" and I was like: "Um no, actually I'm scared of dogs."

{o.0}

2010-02-21T18:09:00.000-08:00

Now you know why I don't want to grow up
I wish I could permanently switch my phone off.

me and my favourite thing in the world again.

CNY this year was average. Couldn't really feel the festive mood this season but the new year goodies proved their worth again; majority were good enough to crack me up. Butter cookies FTW :D Didn't work on the 3rd day of the new year; so I went out with the family to the cinema for a (very slapstick but horrendously funny) movie and to Han's (where we were unexpectedly greeted with deplorable service and the kitchen crew messed up everyone's orders) for dinner @ Marina. The Hongkong-based movie had a ridiculous + thrashy plot which wasn't exactly up to standard, but the familiar star-studded cast and the cheap humour made up for that. c: Photos soon.

On Thursday, met Weetat in the morning @Long John's where he bought me breakfast and we caught up a great deal. At least he's having a much better time at his current work place and I hope stress doesn't catch up with him again. Work was as per normal; the crowd wasn't massive enough to overwhelm me simply because fewer people are on sprees now that CNY is almost over and done with. But I was kept busy nevertheless, what with all the new Speedo and Reebok stocks. But I completed them earlier than expected, so all was going fineeeeeee; until ****** sprang a completely random surprise on me with my favourite peanut and crispy M&Ms which he'd bought. Which made me feel kinda :D but =\ because... (we'll leave that for another time). Anyway, dinner was spent with Elstan, who came down to pass me the new year cookies he baked that I was very thankful for because I was a starved pig after work and the cookies did their part by servicing my godforsaken stomach.

There were only 4 people on duty yesterday and the atmosphere certainly wasn't as lively as usual, but Weiwen and I shared our personal opinions regarding several issues in life and he asked me some pertinent questions which I thought gave excellent room to seriously ponder. It also kinda made me realise that sure, there is no right or wrong answer pertaining to some things but from a person's response and reaction we can tell how mature, sincere, humble or good his/her character is. But I'm still slightly muddle-headed when it comes to getting shoes from the storeroom and there was this time I ~~almost~~ made everything drop on him, so sorry okay WW! =s

Today, I slept in till late morning before going to the airport with the mother for afternoon tea and a good long chat- one which we haven't had in a very long while already. Oh well before that we dropped by at Beatrice's to pass her her very (x100) belated birthday presents and I screamed myself hoarse at her gate but nobody came out so my mom thought of a clever idea to slip the gifts through the side of the gate. But it wasn't very clever in the end because she got her hand stuck between the gate and the wall.

So damn prection, right. these photos are coming a tad late but I still love the girls all the same.

a: how long will you love me for?
b: for as long as I can.
a: that's an unacceptable answer. it's as good as asking: "how long can you go without food?" and you say "for as long as I can."
b: I mean, forever.
a: forever is a big bluff. how dyou define forever?
b: for as long as I live.

...

2010-02-09T23:50:00.000-08:00

One Thing Two do, Three Words Four You.

The past weekend was quite happening. On friday evening, celebrated my grandaddie's birthday with the maternal relatives, following which we spent the rest of the night and the early hours of the next morn singing our hearts out at Shenton Way's Party World. Reached home at an unfortunate 4am, turned in at 5 after settling the odds and ends and woke up 3 hours later (for work) feeling like shit and tasting a full mouthful of regret. Did full shifts (11am - 10pm) on both Saturday and Sunday so I was really shagged to the max come Sunday night.

Yesterday was my first off-day of the week, and I intended to do some shopping on my own, but ended up getting only 1 dress. Then I decided that it had been a loooooooooong time since I actually enjoyed some cozy light reading so I picked up some fiction at the library and although they were all supposedly bestsellers which meant they were very possibly good reads, none of them brought me beyond the 5th page because my brain + eyes were evil and sleep kept penetrating first. Guess I've been unconsciously buried deep within this thing called Fatigue and I'm really quite tired of some stuff in life. For the record, I need some madness in my life again. I dislike taking things too seriously, I detest giving a definite answer and I'd rather things be ambiguous. That is how I am and that is why I am flawed and that is why to err is human and that is why nobody is perfect and that is why I am like that.

Today, someone prepared a lunchbox for me and he personally delivered it to my workplace. : ) Although t'was a simple humble meal, I really, truly enjoyed it so damn much because I haven't had homecooked meals for more than a month and I appreciate the time and effort that this person has taken to do this for me. It's such a sweet gesture, so thank you. c:

So, working long hours in the retail line has been pretty worthwhile because when the $pay$cheque$ comes rolling in it's very (:D), definitely feels rewarding. Plus the experience and the friends, definitely tongue-tied already, haha. And I got my performance allowance this month so it's kinda motivating.

2010-02-03T23:50:00.000-08:00

A Little Something

with the Nike girls!

My store manager (2nd-in-charge) has really been transferred to Compass point.

Monday was the first day I worked without him around. I felt like an abandoned 2-year-old toddler who'd been left at the childcare centre on the first day of nursery school before her mother headed for work.

No doubt, was quite upset and kept thinking about it but guess what; he called today because t'was his off day and waited 3 hours to have my 5pm lunch with me, which he graciously paid for anyway.

*
"now that I'm gone, there will be nobody to protect you anymore. must take care of yourself ok?"

True; now who is going to walk me to my busstop against the direction of his house and wait for my bus with me after work? Something I'd have to get used to from now on despite how much I don't want to.

: (

I only have one thing to say: Compass point is so damn lucky.

2010-01-30T23:32:00.000-08:00

Hanging by a thread

Things are getting awkward. Not as if they weren't complicated enough already.

A while back when I was still schooling, I used to wonder if the people we're acquainted with in life are destined to be our life-long friends, or merely hi-bye folks whom we will never cross paths with again. I used to ponder over sensitive issues principally involving people relations and how some friendships are built to last, while others are so fallible. Sure, I was actually so damn confident that after leaving junior college, nobody would really bother to keep in contact with people that he/she has only known for 2-4 years. But the recent spate of events has definitely proved my incipient drift wrong, serving very much to derail my old train of thought.

I'd like to think that I'm a very blessed girl, although there are still a couple of things in life that I can't help but be unhappy about/with. Within the past 2 weeks, I've had many old friends coming over to the store I work at to visit, and although I couldn't talk very much since my lady boss is usually around, I really appreciated/appreciate each and everyone of their presence. Last week, Cherie Rongqi Val & Catherine came down; it felt so good just to hang around and chat about random shizz and laugh over old candid jokes. &this week, Krystal trebled her visit to my store : ) Coco has also visited a couple of times and man, it's really warm to see familiar faces like these c: I'm also very grateful to those who actually waited around to have a meal with me during my breaks albeit my vastly irregular and tentative break timings. Yesterday, Xinzhi and Liewxun came to visit me, after which we lunched @ KFC together. Dinner was @ foodcourt with Weetat and his friend. Both meals were equally enjoyable, albeit the very different type of company, HAHA HAHA HA. So thank you. And finally, to those who visited RSH on my off days.. I'm sorry! My off days are scheduled differently every week =\

Work today really exceeded my expectations. I absofrigginlutely adore working on weekends because the store is 124567898765432 times more alive. Plus, working with Weiwen, Desmond, Ken, Weetat, Jet, Dominic and Jorge is so awesome {no, not because they are boys} because they're funny people with fabulous personalities. Of course it wasn't easy breaking the ice initially because we all come from pretty diverse backgrounds and they all thought I'm some kind of extinct UFO species that went through the integrated programme but now that we're all cool & chummy with one another I earnestly enjoy their company sfm.

Malaysia tomorrow.

This is going to sound stupid but I wish I were a picture.

2010-01-28T23:59:00.000-08:00

Gun to my holster

Still prefer things in life to be vague, ambiguous, to have an element of mystery, a lack of fixity and more fluidity.

Today, I had my overgrown emo bangs trimmed! My hairdresser {who changes his hairstyle and colour like every month but still looks absofrigginglutely fabulous forever} was in a superbly awesome mood today and he chatted tons with me, telling me not to accept guys so easily because (almost) all of them are superficial, visual creatures that only hanker after looks before anything else. I asked him if he's like that too and he said he isn't. =\ I think that pretty much sums up how guys are like. He's still awesome though; simply because his smile makes magic come alive. =\

After the haircut, made my way down to Tampines to meet Coco. She really TOWERS over her pet midget that is me in her mighty heels. Dinner @ Cafe Cartel; really brought back memories of our after school adventures. The most pathetic and loseristic one being the time when we thought we were going to be late and cabbed back to TJ from Siglap for our afternoon double Econs and ended up reaching first but got chased out by Mrs Chang right after the class greeted her because we didn't prepare our essay plans. {-.-}

Anyway, on Sunday I brought my cake to RSH to share with the colleagues! Not all of them were there, though, since we work different shifts.

Wee tat : )

Wei Wen bro!

Jet!

Karen Love c:

Jet has been transferred to Parkway and is going to start work there next week :( I can't believe this is happening okay; especially when he just started working here last week. Will definitely miss his (uber lame) jokes and his amiable personality. Karen is leaving at the end of the month to take a break and Queen Lani is leaving due to better job prospects in February too. So now I'm just quite : ( &If my store manager really gets transferred to Compass point, I'm out. So am. I will so quit. He did tell me any transfer of this kind is to be expected and that he can't always be here to look after me butbutbut :( OKAY IKR I should stop behaving like a baby and grow the hell up already.

{ PS I was never made for this thing called commitment. }

2010-01-27T23:56:00.000-08:00

Love is not Charity.

For the past few days, during your breaks you would ask me if I needed anything to eat. My reply would always be the same- No. But you still bought me chips and buns every day so that I could eat them on my way home after work.

That night, you gave me chocolates and a card.

You hinted to me that you feel jealous everytime you see him talking to me.

This afternoon, I dreaded going to work because new Adidas stocks were coming in and I knew I'd tear my hair doing them since I'm in charge of Adidas.

But when I reached, you told me you'd done all of them for me- all 5 cartons. You spent the whole morning doing something that wasn't even in your department.

Each time I couldn't find an apparel/footwear and got all panicky, you came to my rescue and searched high&low for the wanted item for me, even though you're newer and more foreign to this store than I am.

What am I supposed to say? I know I'm supposed to feel something, but I don't. I don't really want to live on your charity anymore. It makes me feel worse about myself, worse about hurting someone I never wanted to hurt. I know I hurt you very badly that night. But each time I give you my answer, somehow I hurt a little too. You're persistent, but I'll make sure I'm more persistent. I don't deserve so much from you.

2010-01-26T00:45:00.000-08:00

9-teen

So every year, the birthday celebration just keeps getting better. So far every experience is following a positive gradient; it's just I don't know when it'll reach a maximum point and then spiral downwards and mimic the shape of a sad-smiley quadratic curve. Or maybe it will decide to take after an exponential {if i remember correctly} curve and tend towards a random horizontal asymptote. See, I'm secretly math material. I know right, kill me already. BUT ANYWAYYYYYY this is my last 'teen' year. And I am upset about it. Somehow I never wanted the 23rd of January 2010 to come and my family members noticed that because for the first time in my life I didn't ask for my birthday presents 5 months before the actual day. =\

Okay so after work on Friday, was surprised by 2 separate individuals, after which the second sent me home. Thank you ******! I wasn't prepared for the surprise at all, neither did I anticipate/expect anything! Although t'was awkward, I still appreciate the very cute gesture. : )

Saturday was great; thank you to all who took the time off to come to my party! I know I wasn't exactly the best host in the world because I get all flustered and rnfhweuirhfnuwerkhfj easily when there're many people around but I still hope everyone enjoyed his/herself. Need to also thank my dearest parents for helping to organise the stuff and entertaining my guests : D Damnit now everyone knows where I got the insanity from.

Sunday was spent @ Royal Sporting House, and I was really tired but my colleagues were really good to me. Ken & Desmond helped me so much (that I actually felt bad about it) because I'm really short and useless and cannot reach the shoeboxes that are placed on the higher shelves in the storeroom. I know that's where a ladder comes in, but I'm terrified of using the ladder.

I absolutely love my classmates

and it's scary how the last few to leave were all the members from my PW group. We just have this psychic thing about us.

I love this girl because she knows I am secretly Mr Bean.

And here's to the bestie& her beau for coming, and for getting me panties that are meant for 12-year-old girls.

this is why we will never grow up or look glamourous.

this is aida trying to look taller than me

and knowing she can't because I cheated. I love the handpainted batman-themed shoes. You cute thoughtful little thing Aida!

and this is me being retarded with the top student and the girl who always gives birth while she is taking photos.

Thank you girls, I really like the earphones : )

this was taken without flash because zuoqi's eyes are allergic to flash.

TBB! A pity Charlene couldn't make it =\ Anyway I love yall for making my life awesome in 2009. When we grow up, we wanna be childish, have eberything the same as our friend.

The quirky shades is one of the best things that happened to me this year. My friends are as cool as me. I love the presents, girls. Super creative haha!

thank you so much for the pink mp3. Pink makes my world go round.

But I'm jealous that Krystal has 4 men on her top.

LMAO girl and the girl whose foot I stepped on until it bled(3 years ago). Thank you for the pink + black slippers and the cards. EVOL {hahaha}

Catered food !

My cakey cake cupcake cake.

cakes*

I is happy girl girl.

\
I love my family.

this toy was given to me on my 19th birthday.

I do housework on my birthday.

lovely cousins + aunty jocylin

Thank you, everyone.

I'm finally 19. But it feels like I just turned 9.

Thank you all, I am a very blessed girl.

2010-01-17T23:57:00.000-08:00

One Less Lonely Girl

I still love you kim ki bum.

Work was actually awesome over the weekend. Was literally swept off my feet by the endless crowd and there were times when I had to serve 3 different customers simultaneously which made me almost tear my hair but my colleagues never ~~failed~~ fail to come to my rescue. Met 3 more permanent part-timers yesterday- Ken, Wei Wen and Desmond who all happen to be around my age. &albeit forever joking around and laughing at me they always offer to help the noob that is me. Which makes me feel more like a sinner day by day.

ANYWAY I GET MY WEEKEND RATE SO I FEEL SLIGHTLY BETTER ABOUT DEVOTING MY PRECIOUS SATURDAY AND SUNDAY TO WORK. AND I SAW 3 of my OGMS over the weekend- Zikai Brenda and Shinyee- who all didn't see me because I'm too short to be seen anyway. Surprise surprise. But Jeremy and Terence saw me first today though, so I don't fail that much after all although I was in quite a massively tragic state when they caught sight of me.

I'm growing to like my job very much, although the hours are long, the job demands are maneating enough to blow me away and I get home with sore and worn out legs every day. But the fabulous colleagues, the not-bad pay, the exposure I gain to the different brands and models of shoes & apparel plus the satisfying overall experience all make the time and effort worthwhile.

OFF TMR c:

2010-01-15T17:11:00.000-08:00

"I don't mind being a prince though (: but you'll always be my princess."

MY PRECTION BOYS c:

{ PS. I need to get some good solid fiction for real. }

2010-01-14T20:30:00.000-08:00

♥ ?

So, work has been really good, although I get home after 10:30 pm every day. It's rather quiet in the late morning till early afternoon though, and I much prefer the bustling evening crowd where I can actually get to serve people. c: My colleagues are absolutely awesome people too, so much better than what I could ever ask or hope for. My store managers W (a firm lady, but who is really cool and taught me a lot about shoes and how to choose the right kinds to cater to various feet types) and WD (who is super approachable and friendly and ALWAYS helps me no matter what) are both great, humourous people. And then there's J, the know-everything-about-footwear-and-where-to-find-them guy, who is jovial and cheeky but takes very good care of me. And yesterday I also met H, K, and L, 3 other permanent employees, who are experts in the apparrel section and always willing to guide me along. Man, they're all so nice, forgiving and helpful that I feel like a sinner or something.

Anyway, the first day of work was hectic and a bit challenging for me, because I didn't know where to find a lot of stocks when the customers asked for them but J and WD helped me a lot (x100000) so I am eternally grateful to them. So like, all was fine until this middle-aged man stepped into the store in the afternoon and started to enquire about what kind of grips to get for his barbell. I referred him to my male colleague because I knew absolutely zilch about grips but he couldn't stop looking at and talking to me and asking me personal questions. Finally, when he saw that no one was looking, he lifted up his sleeve and asked me to touch his muscles. {?!} : ( Bad bad experience; I was very disturbed. Of course, I FRIGGIN DIDN'T EVEN LAY A FINGER ON ANY PART OF HIM. I'm not that stupid, and I told my boss about it when he'd left. Yuck.

Also, I would like to thank my friends who came down to visit/support me. On the 1st day, Liewxun and Coco came down, on the 2nd, Alvin + Cherie, Liewxun + Siddharth came! Had both my lunch and dinner with the latter pair, and I'm quite thankful for the company : ) And on the third day, Kelly visited me in the afternoon, and Weiyi brought his troup of friends to my shop at night. :D Thank you very much, people.

I'm off work today and tomorrow, but I'll be working again full-shift on the weekend.

Photos from Saturday (090110):

{PS. Could this really be...}

2010-01-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

Junior Treat Senior { 060110 }

Thank you juniors for the really nice meal and the presents; really thoughtful and sincere of you guys! Although none of you are probably going to see this anyway, still thanks a bunch people!

I think I'm going to miss my team this 2010. I've been missing school {UNFORTUNATELY YOU HEARD ME RIGHT} already. Krystal and I both agreed that school is somehow fun-er than what we're doing now. I'm starting work tomorrow, and I pray nothing screws up on my first day. See, it's different. When something doesn't go your way in school there's always the company, the good ol' band of brothers/sisters to fall back on. When you're out, it's different. All you have is you and yourself and uh, you. Time for the annual end-of-year reality checks again- except this time it's lapsing into the new year.

Updates on Aida's bazaar @ Bedok Court soon!

2010-01-08T22:27:00.000-08:00

Pig Clown Slave

Went back to school for training today. Not bad, managed to play 3 games but my spiking has spiralled downwards into the depths of hell. Really quite horrible; I kept doing "airballs" which were ugly and needless to mention, wrong. Thankfully it got better as the time passed and my hands and palms got more seasoned. Reaction time has gone down the drains too, though. : (

Some interesting facts about the Aquarian woman that nobody wants to know anyway, but which holds so damn true for me. :

http://www.cyberspacei.com/englishwiz/library/names/zodiac/acquarius.htm

She belongs to everyone, and yet to no one. Her love can be tender and inspired, but there will always be a vaguely elusive quality about it, like a half-remembered song. You can hum the melody, but the lyrics keep slipping away. The Aquarian girl's demand for freedom is insistent, but her allegiance to anyone who can accept romance within such limits is boundless. Here's something you'll like: She won't be terribly interested in your bank book (unless Cancer or Capricorn or Taurus is on her ascendant). Money is never the prime consideration of the typical Aquarian woman. She won't care if you're not the richest man in town, but she'll expect you to be respected in some way for your intellectual achievements. Dr. Christian Bamard and his heart transplants or Wemher von Braun and his rockets interest her far more than J. Paul Getty and his billions.

{PLUS PLUS PLUS I LOVE THE FOLLOWING, IT IS SO FRIGGIN SCARILY FRIGHTENINGLY TRUE AND 100% ACCURATE, FOR ME AT LEAST}

A conversation with her can be remarkable, to say the least. She has charming manners, and usually behaves in a timid, almost reserved way. Then comes one of those sudden Uranus urges, and out will pop a remark with absolutely no relation to what anyone is saying. You'll be talking about the fluctuations of the stock market, and she'll interrupt out of nowhere with: "Did you know that Woodrow Wilson, Jack Kennedy, Herbert Hoover, Harry Truman, Calvin Coolidge, Benjamin Harrison, Franklin and Theodore Roosevelt and William McKinley all have double letters in their names?" There's only one way to answer a question like that. Tell her she missed Millard Fillmore, Ulysses Grant and Thomas Jefferson. Then gently, but firmly, lead the discussion back to the stock market. Other minds may progress in fairly logical steps, but hers rigs into tomorrow, then zags back into today with no more sense of direction than a flash of lightning. Now and then she'll toss off an unexpectedly poignant phrase. You'll ask her what she thinks of space travel and she'll answer, "When I was a little girl, I thought the stars were holes in the floor of heaven where the light shone through." If she's in a different mood, you'll say that melted snowmen make you sad, and she'll counter with: "A melted snowman is just a pile of slush, Charlie." First misty-then practical. First timid-then rowdy. Aquarian women will rudely ridicule flying saucers, then tell you a story about a polka-dotted elf on a windowsill. Never talk down to an Aquarian female. She'll resent not being considered your equal, and an unsympathetic attitude will cause her to retreat and become unapproachable.

{So much so for all the people who're forever asking me why I'm so freakishly random and retarded. =\}

There's some kind of a snag in her thinking that causes her to believe just a little twist will improve anything. But she'll smile agreeably as she goes on her own sweet way. There's a constant urge to experiment with a different way to make the coffee, fill her pen, fasten her ice skates or cross the street. She'll wear a sweater backwards, mix her brandy with milk, arrange flowers in a fish bowl, rinse her hair in shaving lotion or make a rock garden on your desk. But don't ask her why. She doesn't know herself. The unique and unusual is her wave-length, that's all.

Absofrigginlutely lovin' it.

2010-01-05T16:40:00.000-08:00

Once Upon A Kiss

PRECTION.

I was talking with Gelin online late last night till the wee hours of the morning and she never fails to crack me up. True enough, every single conversation with her (be it online or face to face) is never a disappointment. It always leaves me happy, hyped-up and grinning crazily. There's always the cheap humour and funny-duddy crap in between all the catching up and a quaint sense of comfort and familiarity that perpetually exists between us. :D

Good news- Went for the Royal Sporting House interview this afternoon, got the job and will be starting work next Monday at Tampines Mall! c: I think I'm quite lucky considering how I only started searching yesterday since I got back from overseas. But t'was really only yesterday that I discovered that retail rates are not as good as office job rates. =\ RSH will be paying me a decent-er than decent basic salary though, plus product commission and attractive monthly bonuses so I may be able to earn more than the other office job that was offered to me before I left for HK. But whatever, this time I'm way more for the experience than the bucks and hopefully I'm exposed to more of the customer-service related stuff that I've always wanted to do since the last time I was attached to Temasek Poly for the tourism and hospitality course.

You're not as easy to read as I thought. Just when I thought I'd open up a little I feel like drawing in everything all over again.

2010-01-02T17:41:00.000-08:00

2010

So, I spent the last few moments of 2009 looking for a washroom to ease myself. We never made it to marina barrage, cause t'was close to midnight when we were still inching along the roads so we got down @ some random hotel near bras basah where I made a dash for the ladies after which w'all stopped by the roadside to watch the night sky plastered with brilliant man-made flashes of colours. Artificial, but they seemed to convey a sense of a new lease of life to me.

2009 has been hectic, somewhat nerve-wrecking and.. I don't know what else to say about it. Like Beatrice, I cannot decide whether time has actually passed quickly or slowly. I picture myself in a double period Econs lesson in the first half of the year and it's a killer, it's boring me to death and I dread having to own up to Mrs Chang that I haven't prepared anything for her lesson. And there she is, going down the rows, asking for our essay plans. And then she discovers I haven't prepared anything, and she gives me a warning, alongside a deep sigh of disappointment. And I give a bizarre look that's a strange concoction of a cannot-be-bothered-attitude + a hint of guilt but deep down I feel horrible about myself for not even fulfilling something that is for my own freaking good. And this is one of those moments where it feels like eternity, where time is passing at a snail's pace, as though 2009 is never going to end and that the same whole robotic process at school is going to repeat itself every single day and that I'm definitely going to crash and burn from the mundanity of it.

I picture myself in the sports season now sometime in May, and there is my beloved team, whom I've trained for 4 whole years with, getting ready for the deciding match that will determine whether we proceed on to the next round. There's Michelle our superwoman, taking care of everyone's well-being as usual, hyping up the atmosphere and trying hard to ignite our confidence. Deep down though, I know she's feeling tense herself, anxious and nervous, but she's putting on a cool, enthusiastic front and keeping calm for the sake of her team members. And instantly I don't know what to feel about this, but I don't like the feeling that gets to me because my team captain is just like us- only human. I dislike how she always has to be responsible for my poor anger management and mood swings plus I remember how she's been giving us many pep talks and perpetually looking after our health and safety. And this makes me feel like there is an additional special person I have to win the game for- my very own team captain.

And then time accelerates to infinity and beyond, and all of a sudden our dreams have come crashing down on us, and right after we've shaken hands with our opponents we leave the court bursting into uncontrollable sobs. All the blood, injuries, sweat, night trainings- suddenly everything feels as though it's been flushed down the drain, never fit to be seen by anyone again. And we're crying and crying and crying in each other's arms, and Michelle is sobbing the hardest but still pulling the team close together and suddenly during this very special moment it dawns on me that I have the best team captain that no other team would/could ever have in the universe. And this captain will always hold a sacred place in my heart simply because I have never seen anyone like her; who would still message her friends after graduation in 2010 just to say "Just went up the bus and realise is adult fare. Remember ppl! Must tap your card before alighting!" ...

The competition season passes quickly, we're ousted within a week and we're all regretting like hell knowing that we never played to the best that we ever could, never played to the standard we did during trainings and friendlies. Till today, I can never understand how we never made it to the next round but I guess there is not much point left in dwelling on this.

This 2010, I've made a resolution to kick my bad habits. Which is why I've spent 2 whole days just spring-cleaning and redo-ing my room. Many things to be thrown away; some memories to be buried as far away from the nucleus of my heart as possible. I need to learn to stop throwing my things around and buying new things but not clearing away the old ones. I need to become a better person. Someone who will care more for her friends, simultaneously being more family-oriented. Someone who listens more and is more mindful of her surroundings. ~~Someone who acts like 19 instead of 9.~~ Someone who is able to sweep away the unhappy things that happened in the past to make space for happier things to come in the future. Someone who is willing to give more and take less. Someone who is willing to love, and to be loved.

Cheers to the start of a new decade.

2009-12-30T23:59:00.000-08:00

'Keep thinking times have never changed, keep on thinking things will always be the same'

the awesome presents Nic got us from Japan!

Love these people sfm

I'm back from Hongkong, with mixed emotions. Mostly happy, save for the instances where I witnessed beggars eating out of filthy bins and feeding their children with the same thrash, child vagrants pleading for a penny or two by assiduously performing stunts on the streets - these really broke my heart to no end. More than once I teared and I felt so bad, so horrible and somewhat guilty for not being able to extend a helping hand to these poor people. There they are grappling with their harsh circumstances, attempting to make the best out of their meagre, less-than-satisfactory lots and here I am, annulling the contract of a job offer that is going to pay me an average of $1200 per month due to unfavourable contractual terms. Just when I thought life should definitely go easier on me and that God should seriously stop treating me like a joke I was wildly shaken to my senses upon discovering the heartwrenching predicaments of individuals worse off than me in other parts of the world.

For the record, kids who're left to beg and peddle on the streets cannot afford to be seen by me. My heart tends to automatically form crack lines all over and these cracks translate into burning holes in my parents' pockets because it'll then be my turn to beg them to donate a couple of tens to these kids.

Today, B, C, Ch N and I went to the Mint Museum of Toys at cityhall! Needless to say, it rained but heaven decided to be more lenient with us today by awarding us a light (nevertheless still very threatening) drizzle. It's totally confirmed- the 5 of us put together spell disaster. But I enjoy the company of these darlings sfm that no amount of thunderstorms or drizzles can ever ever ever deter us from planning future outings. c:

Rushed over to Shark's 21st birthday celebration in the evening and stayed till late at night. Was quite tired by then but thankfully awesome bouts of energy kept randomly emerging from god knows where.

Salvation, anyone?

2009-12-19T19:55:00.000-08:00

Potter's Wheel

HAHAHA.

CHARLENE IS TALLZXZX

I never anticipated that one could actually get so sick and tired of shopping. The whole of this week has been devoted to shopping and exercising; I feel so strange now. Egoistic Retard rang me up on Thursday morning to ask if I wanted to go on a second round of shopping with him but I felt that I wanted some alone time to myself so I ended up spending the afternoon on my own. Shopping alone isn't that tragic though, at least you go wherever you want to go and you do whatever you want at your own pace and there's no one to bug you with anything. Oh and when I was about to leave town, a modelling agency approached me and handed me their namecard and I was just like {-.-} ;nothing to say because I'm sure they approach any Tom Dick Harry Jane Anne Mary.

Spent the entire Wednesday afternoon doing my hair and YES I was excessively ecstatic because my Mom's awfully cute Malaysian hairdresser requested that he cut my hair for me instead of the other lady who did the rebonding for me last week. He said t'was because I looked like somebody he knew (one of his friends) and that he had a particular hairstyle in mind for me. c: He ~~was~~ is beyond cute plus he didn't literally manhandle my hair (very detailed and gentle in fact) so that left me swooning obsessively over him even after leaving the hairdresser's. {!}Mom agrees his hairdressing skills are epic and that he has character but when I told her I wanted to marry him she laughed at me. BRB dying~

Friday was spent @ Sentosa & Vivo with the bestie; and I'm secretly (okay now not so secret anymore) very glad and honoured that my opinions continue to matter so much to her and that after so many years we still hold each other in such high regard. Of course we made a devastatingly wrong choice of food for lunch and ended up buying junk which we did not even come close to finishing. But I'm glad it ever happened because if it didn't it wouldn't even be called an outing with the BESTFRIEND :D Also I should've charged her money for being her entertainer the whole friggin day since she laughed soooooooooo much at me that she claimed she would effortlessly be endowed with abs the next day.

Jeremy has persuaded me to join him and his team for the 2010 beach volleyball @ Surf and Sweat. I haven't given him my response yet; because I know I will need to specially fork out time to at least train a few times with the guy juniors and that is a commitment on its own. Plus, I am not sure I have the time plus energy. Take for instance this week- I haven't been doing anything very vigourous save for the fact that I've been turning in past 3/4 am every morning and waking early to go out.

Still, fatigue has caught up on me, sparing me no chance to even switch on the computer last night and putting me away to bed at an unearthly 6.30 pm. It only bailed me out at 9:30 am this morning, after which the family and I got ready for brunch at Parkway's Jack's Place followed by shopping and more shopping and even more shopping. This whole process is becoming a vicious cycle; I'm beginning to feel that schooling and getting panicky @ the last minute for an econs test that I haven't prepared for is probably so much easier, maybe even more interesting and thrilling.

But then again I instinctively chide myself and ask: "omg who am I kidding, isn't this the kind of life I've been waiting for the whole damned year? To be able to laze around and go shopping and do shit with awesome company; honestly who am I kidding to say I haven't been enjoying myself?"

It's just, too much of anything is bound to backfire.

and sometimes, when things get excessive, they're no longer meaningful.

2009-12-15T23:59:00.000-08:00

"I've never even confessed, but it feels like I've been rejected 100 times."

-Kang Shin Woo, You're Beautiful

Sunday:
Highlight of the day would be dinner @ my club (RTC) followed by bowling among my brothers and I whilst the parents went to catch a movie. Loads of family fun and love and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. ♥ and we bought logcakes home too, yum yum. At this rate I'm going I will become fat beyond recognition. : (

Monday:

Lunch @ PP Mos Burger
Kelly teaching Charlene and me how to rollerblade @ ECP {!!!}
Simple but superbly satisfying Dinner from 7/11 @ the beachside where two NEA officers accused us of throwing our beer cans around. {of course the cans weren't even ours haha haha ha}
Arcade :D { DDR, time crisis where we spazzed around like nobody's business c: }

Went home at 9 plus feeling awesome about myself and highly intoxicated :] The company made everything even more meaningful, of course. Brought back many memories of the 1G/2G days where the 3 of us + yanting were from the same class! Thanks kelly for being so patient and for your (1000000) hilarious cries of "awesome!". Photos soon!

Tuesday:

Today was another busy, leg-breaking yet rewarding day! In the morning, went to make my offerings at the temple in Bugis area, after which I walked around and got new charm bracelets and chocolates from the hello kitty shop. At about 12, the egoistic retard came over to join me and we had lunch together before heading down to Marina to shop for a Christmas present for his girlfriend. {-.-} Explored River Island Dorothy Perkins Warehouse Island Shop blah blah plus many other shops and he refused to take even half a step into Topshop because he claimed it is turning into a Giordano. {-.-} SNOB RIGHT. But anyway t'was quite fun and we caught up loads again and kept laughing over rubbish but our legs were horribly numb and wobbly at the end of it all.

In the late afternoon, we took the train back to the east and he went home while I went to Simei to visit the childcare that I used to work part-time in @ CGH 2 years ago. None of my colleagues could wholly recognise me but they acknowledged my smile has remained the same; still familiarly warm and comforting :D

Spent the night catching up on "together" (still have 8 episodes to catch up) plus getting on and off the phone with 3 different individuals; all were heart-to-heart talks and somehow I've become a love advisor or something.

Sometimes I feel like a fool. These days I've been helping people solve their problems and giving my advice but I don't even know how to sort out my own life or settle down properly. Now that I've helped you, you, you, and you, what do I do with myself? I can't even help myself. Not that I'm complaining; I'm more than willing to give advice/help my friends simply because I want to. I want people to feel good about themselves and I want them to find their own happiness and that's why I'm willing to lend a helping hand and receive ring-ups graciously. But on my own, I am feeling quite worn out and tired; I just feel like sleeping in the whole friggin day.

And I've really grown to be allergic to anything associated with pressure or rat-racey. Very ironic, I know, considering how I've coped with shit of this kind the whole of 2009. But somehow I think I really need a short getaway, a breather, a nowhere for me to engage in introspection. Which is why I found a great sense of comfort and serenity in sitting by the beach with Kelly and Charlene just talking regular over a hot bowl of instant noodles (which happened to be damn good btw) and sipping a Big Gulp. It's wonderful and amazing how the little things in life, no matter how minute or non-elusive, could actually grant me a major sense of satisfaction. Plus, I've known the other 2 for 6 years now, from the time we were in 1G back in DHS 2004.

-Song for a fool (You're Beautiful)

2009-12-13T16:03:00.000-08:00

"When you get shocked by electricity, does it hurt this much?"

-GoMiNam, You're Beautiful

Time for some updates; been really busy lately with shopping and randomly hanging out and watching videos and venturing out for midnight suppers. No surprise why I'm still not done with You're Beautiful. I was thinking of looking for a job now but it's probably going to be a major burden seeing that I'm leaving for HK on the 22nd of the month and that upon coming back there're going to be a hell lot of things to prepare for the new year.

I refuse to publish an entry on Prom until all the photos are uploaded! But I'm glad the three of us had the balls to carry out our ultimate dares although I dislike that particular photo of mine. It should never see the light. Post-prom with K G M L D was not bad too; walked along orchard after midnight and 'celebrated' G's birthday when we got back to Meritus Mandarin.

On a random note, I had a FANTASTIC ELASTIC dream last night. It was sooooooo freakin good that I don't mind having the same dream every day, seriously. But if the dream weaver were to replace one of the characters with my yesung I would gladly embrace it without any semblance of hesitation.

Anyway, Thursday was shopping day with the brothers! Mainly to get the parents' 21st anniversary presents and whew after wandering around the whole day we finally got something in the evening.

YUCKK. How can such a thing even be worth a few tens of dollars{?!!!}

Had lunch @ T3's Crystal Jade on Friday, stuffed ourselves till we almost exploded. But the pork ribs were so supremely awesome the thought of them now makes me horribly hungry!

Had midnight supper @ Bedok North which was incredibly satisfying as usual; yum yum been loving fried oyster & barbequed wings since forever.c:

Life is good.

2009-12-05T19:05:00.000-08:00

Blue Tomorrow

MORE LOVE FOR SHINWOO PLS

I WANTED TO SAY THIS BEFORE: Three weeks ago I was ecstatic because after my evening jog-cum-run and workout, a vein protruded from my right biceps! OHMYGOD RIGHT{!!!} Yes I know I am a girl and being a girl means I should be petite and docile and that I should go easy on the pumping but I don't quite care anymore even if it means going to prom with big herculean arms &looking like an ogre. Okay damnit actually, I do, a little, but I want to be a strong girl! My greatest ambition in life is to have straight hair, followed by travelling to the Sahara desert in a trishaw, followed by being a physically and mentally strong individual. Which means I'm closer and closer to achieving my long-term goals{!}

Today, we combed a few malls in Orchard and I found my heels! It's nothing elaborate really but I like it because it looks sleek and decent. I also came across this really cool pair of flats with awesome silver studs (AT THE RIGHT PARTS OF THE SHOE OMG) but I just got a new pair of flats last night so I shall be a good girl and not strip my mom of her hard-earned money. I'm really tired now and my legs are on the verge of snapping and my head is spinning badly but I can only blame myself for turning in @ 5:30 am this morning and waking up 3 hours later. "You're beautiful" should absolutely be held culpable for my present dire mental state but I decided it's too beautiful to be faulted; and anyway t'was I who openly walked into its welcome trap and have now become highly addicted. I only wish I had started on it earlier; now there're fewer and fewer people to talk and laugh with over it! Oh man I love A.N.JELL's Shin Woo! More love for him please.

Extracted from entry dated 24th February 2009:

"/I've thought about it, and I would rather compromise on/forsake my interests than risk losing a friend (no matter how superficial, how hi-bye). Way back, I wouldn't have given a shit; would've tactlessly gone ahead to pursue whatever I wanted. But now I think I'm perceiving things a lot more than just at face value. Seen people come & go, friendships built & broken; and I do realise the importance of some things over others. "

Tell me why this is happening again? It's always between the 2 of us but with a different dimension every time. If you're reading this; you'll probably know that I'm referring to you and I want you to know that if I had wanted to, I could have fought for my own interests; for what I'd wanted for myself but that I never bothered to take even half a step in verbalising my thoughts or taking action because somehow something is pulling me back. I don't know what this something is; it is barely describable, and I'm not keen on figuring out what it is anytime soon.

{PS I don't like how this entry has so many exclamation marks. }