Friday, June 10, 2011
Regret
I miss my brothers very much. I wish they didn't have to book out on Saturday mornings and book in on Sunday evenings. I wish their trainings didn't have to be so tough. A month ago, I visited them with my parents at Safti Military Institute and together with families of other officer cadets, we were enlightened on what our boys/brothers do in OCS. I think it's really really tough and they've assiduously gone through so much. BMT is probably peanuts compared to the hardship they're going through now and it really pained me when one of the twins told me he usually likes to volunteer for stuff out of goodwill. Like stuff that is considered sai gang that nobody in the right mind would opt to do of their own volition.
Sigh. We're all grown up now; I'm 20, they're 19. We're one year apart but I feel like in terms of maturity and ability to withstand hardship and overcome obstacles, I'm 5 years behind them. Army has amazingly made them grow and develop in the right track and while I always pray and hope that the going doesn't get too tough for them, I know it's such training and discipline that has gotten them to where they are now. I'm extremely, extremely proud of them and I wish I treasured the times we used to have together in the past more. I used to be such a horrid and spiteful sister, only capable of mocking them and making them feel incredibly small. ): But I guess they've always been so kind and good-hearted that not once have they held it against me. I'm just so freaking substandard I hate myself. I hate my old self. Why couldn't I have been a good sister right from the start.. This is going to be one of the greatest regrets my whole life. 5 years down the road we'll all have our own families and the story of the 3 of us will kinda end, with new chapters inserted into the pages of our lives...
):
{PS. I know this entry is poorly written but it's just what I feel deep within me, from the very bottom of my heart.}
Labels: Army, Bros
YI XIAN 12:49 AM
